Cherish what you have.

I've been trying to teach myself and live by the mantra of "cherish what you have" for years. First time I can really remember thinking this is when my uncle Tony got sick in 2000. 14 years of battling various diseases. Since I was only 18 in 2000, I realized that I would have been four if he didn't fight as hard as he did. I wish I cherished having him more than I showed. If my mom didn't fight as hard as she did, I probably would have been 3 when she died.

In the interim I have traveled to all inhabitable continents (in the British 5 continents terminology) to 28 countries and met a whole load of friends. What I want to know now is why I am focusing on certain people who I have lost in my life. (Friendship wise I mean) There is one in particular who I am mourning but I have to move on. This person was influential in some of my time abroad. Many times, we would just meet up at a Pub and chat. Last time I went to this person's country, I chatted on the phone and had a good time talking to her/him. Now, I wrote to them write before I left for California. This person also worked for my company at one point so I wanted to share. But, no response to the email and I went on to Facebook and saw that I have been "defriended." I also was defriended by someone who I actively divorced as a friend - or passively. I don't know.

What I'm wondering is why do I care about these people who obviously don't care about me. I need to cherish what I have.

this is something I was finishing up the last week I was in California. Didn't know why I didn't send it. Now I'll try to update more and more as the winter months shut us in here in Pittsburgh

Just plain sad

I had a horrible experience this morning with someone who I thought was intelligent and kind of cool. Needless to say, the moral of this blog (I know you normally don't hit the moral first but hey bear with me) is that even though we have come so far with rights and acceptance, we still have so far to go. I was waiting this morning in front of the hotel and we were just talking. Somehow, we got from talking about food to him making fun of a gay man who works at the hotel. I just stood there stupidly looking at him thinking, HE KNOWS who I am, he's got the same name as my husband and I remember telling him that. Well, he was talking to me about how this one guy who works there (typical SF area flaming gay man). Almost right away, the wrist starting flapping and the lisp got turned on. We were standing in a group of three - me, him and an Italian man, so no one he had to really be macho and show off in front of. But man, he just kept going! He went on to say that he takes the cookies this gay man makes every day for us and runs. He told me that he doesn't hang around because E (the gay) is winking at him all the time. I will say this guy had a nice look about him but the attitude he has just turned him into one of the ugliest people I've seen. And yet he kept going. He mentioned to the Italian that he was just too nice. The Italian hangs around the lobby for a bit talking to everybody who is there. He later told me he doesn't understand the Americans issues with gays. TO the American, I made sure to show my complete disgust on my face and made it as awkward as possible to be around me for him. I said to him, I'm sure you are just not that man's type. He looked at me and suddenly got beet red. It came to him who he was talking to. Score one for me.

I just have been thinking about this alot this morning. I don't know why we as a society sit around and accept making fun of gay people as something that is funny. If someone did that to say Hispanics, or say Blacks not many people would be laughing. Racism would be accused and the offender would be socially shunned. Now, on my side, people just laugh and nothing is thought about it. Hopefully though, this one guy will think twice before he makes fun of that again.

Probably not though.

PCV

Those three little letters can mean so many things. Many times as I said them over the years, I would mix up the last two items. I would naturally start calling them PVC's and now that I think of it, it could be fitting that we are compared to toilet plumbing. But I digress. I'm writing this today because I've had one of the best weekends out here with three lovely ladies who I worked with in Africa. They all live in the Bay Area and are just fabulous people. It was like we saw each other yesterday when in reality I hadn't seen them in 2 years almost. I love that about people who you meet overseas and have an amazing experience with. It is something I am thinking alot about as my brother transitions back from 14 months in the UK. It's the longest he has lived overseas and I am nervous for his re-entry into the US of A. It's not that I don't trust or believe in my brothers abilities, it's that I know how hard it is and this is where culture shock comes from. When someone goes overseas, you are expecting "weirdness." When you come home to your "home" country, you are not necessarily expecting the weirdness of it all. That's when the big Shock sneaks up behind you and hits you over the head. "Oh YEAH! YOU THINK ENGLAND AND AMERICA ARE THE SAME!! :::::bam::::" Good luck.

Now to bring myself back to the title of this post, PCVs are a strange breed. You willingly sign up to go live in a hut in a third world country for 2 years - electricity and running water optional. Sanity is lost along the way too. Shouldn't that be the first sign of telling us we've lost our minds? But no, we truck on...most people finishing two years, some people finishing three years of service. Last weekend, I noticed how that will ALWAYS be a huge part of me. There were three of us out at the bar in the Castro and it was as if we never left. And naturally the conversation topics were the same.

The power of Positivity

It's hard but I am trying so hard to do it. A said I was the eternal optimist when we got married. He's really been the person who has pointed it out to me. I didn't really notice too much before. I know see it almost on a daily basis. Two recent examples.

My bags got lost (very lost) on the way out to California. It didn't help that my original flight was outright canceled from Pittsburgh out here. I was in smelly smelly clothes by the end of the day on Monday and thought I would have to spend a record 3 days in the same set of clothes. Surprisingly, I have only lost my bags 2 times. Both had Pittsburgh International Airport involved. Is this the Universe telling me I should get the hell out of dodge while I still can? If the Republicans start repealing my very limited civil rights... God Save the Queen? :) Anyway, I had to keep reminding myself that I was in freaking California! I haven't been out here in 10 years and just kept smiling like a delusional idiot.

My other instance is when my feet starting hurting in San Francisco. This time it wasn't hard, I just had to look out over the bay. I mean I WAS IN SAN FRANCISCO!

I challenge anyone who still reads this to focus on the positive. Anyone who reads this obviously has electricity, running water and a soft bed to lie in. After that is there really anything we should complain about?

More soon

PS. I feel I REALLY have to comment on last nights Glee episode but I'm not sure my stream of consciousness writing would do it justice.

Old age?

I just turned 28.  I don't think that is anything big - most of my friends are older than me now and my age bracket does include 35 on most American forms.  However, I've noticed my age in the time I've been out here in California.  Take tonight for example.  A bunch of people are going to go out to dinner tonight at a Korean BBQ restaurant.  (That is still one thing I cannot get over, the sheer amount of choice in America)  A new episode of Glee is also on.  I'm torn about where I want to go.  I'm laughing though because when I was 20 and 21, living in the UK and Guatemala respectively, I went out EVERY NIGHT.  I think I took Sundays and Mondays off just out of sheer exhaustion.  When you are that young and can't drink at home, living in a country where you are an old fart on the drinking scene definitely helps.  Anyway, I was dead set on going out tonight, but I think I'll stay in.  It seems just as appealing to stay at home and enjoy the TV - maybe even more so.  Any thoughts on how we are getting "so old?"

PS.  It just blows my mind that I moved to Africa when I was 22 and moved back when I was 26.  3 years in Africa is 30 year over here?

Daily Examen part 2

Yesterday morning I decided to go to a Unitarian Universalist church here in San Jose. I've been going to them since about February 2009. It was one of the best jumps I've ever taken. Yesterday confirmed the fact. The church is a wonderfully old building that incorporates so many aspects of UU culture and history. It is called The First Church of San Jose. I feel like I've never seen a church that has incorporated so many different religions into one building. There were definite influences from the Roman pantheon, a Greek agia, Russian churches and Shinto Shrines. The stole the minister wore had the symbols of all the religions I definitely know. Of course there were some there that didn't jump out at me right away. I'll have to have a look into religious symbols. The most beautiful part of the church though was the altar. It was backed by the perfumed flowers of the Mexican Day of the Dead. All of this was draped over a Shinto Shrine which was topped by and Islamic crescent moon and a Hindu Om. It honestly was one of the most beautiful things I'd seen in my short experience with the UU's.

The topic of the sermon was a daily examen. It was founded by St. Ignatius many year ago. It's basic premiss is that you have to look at your life at the end of every day. While you do that, you have to identify a time when you felt life just coming out of you, "Working with the Universe" as the UUs would say. The other time you have to reflect upon is when you felt life just getting drained out from you. Then you have to look forward to the next day.

So, the first time I do this I'm going to focus on riding a Cable Car in San Francisco listening to Judy Garland sing San Francisco. My bad time is when I heard from the airline companies and had to go to SJ international airport twice just to get my bag.

Any thoughts?

My Daily Examen

I've been out here in California for awhile and I think the past 24 hours have been the most exciting times I've had out here. Friday after work I drove up and met some old friends from the Peace Corps in Oakland. One thing I love about those friends is that we immediately had to cut through all of the friendship pleasantries in the Peace Corps. We were our support network. We were who we all relied upon. That made for some quick solid friendships and quick solid enemies. But that is a post for another day.

However, the reminiscing with old friends from 5 years ago and from 15 years ago was amazing. After wonderful dinners and wonderful laughs, I headed out to do my favorite thing ever - Stadtbummeln. There is even a Facebook page dedicated to it. Though sadly it is not too extensive. I've been trying to practice contentment in my life throughout the past through years. After Peace Corps, I just can't genuinely feel there is any way I could be discontented or upset about my lot in life. My rambling through the city of San Francisco only solidified that for me. I didn't have an aim. I didn't have a map yet I survived and had one of the most clichéd gay experiences of my life. This is your cue to cringe Liz. All I'll say is it involves a Cable Car and Judy... :)

I ended up walking from Market Street to Coit Tower (not very far but almost COMPLETELY uphill) stopping at various stores along the way. One of them was THE famous book store of San Francisco and it's beat generations. I had to call my friend for the name because her father told me years ago I HAD to go. Now I got to the top of Coit Tower and had some wonderful views but knew my feet couldn't take anymore of the hills. Down is pretty easy though. I got down to the bottom of the hill and saw Lombard Street. I didn't climb to the top though. I knew from just my proximity to water that I was too far to walk to the BART to get back to my car. So I did as you naturally do in SF and I hoped on a Cable Car. Just as I did, some weird cosmic force affected my iPod and Judy Garland's version of San Francisco came on shuffle. I laughed and grinned ear to ear as I was hanging on a cable car on my way home.

More soon.

DOMA

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DOMA

There has not been this much hate written into a short little law since the Jim Crow laws.  Truthfully though, not much thought was given to it until last month.  Many things are happening now that are getting me so incensed I some times just break down in desperation.  We went to Canada after our wedding and it was so wonderful to know that right over the border is such a progressive nation.  Canada treats A as my husband and not my domestic partner as his employer now says.  Even though we were told it would be recognized they have since cited DOMA as an excuse for not recognizing us as married men.  I can't believe that if my name were Amy, nothing like this would be happening.  Even though I am the enternal optimist I am getting mad.  I will at least have health care starting Jan 1st - as his domestic partner.  Does anyone else see the absurdity of this?  The CO is accepting our marriage license as proof of a domestic partnership.   I hope the people that are keeping me out of this are on their fourth or fifth wives.   All I can think though is ALL IN DUE TIME.  Overseas friends, should we start a Enemies of DOMA overseas chapter?  Let's donate as much money to that as people did to that freaky witch from Delaware

On a happier note, I have officially told EVERY  person in my life about A and I.  I was a little shocked from the most recent revelation.  I spent September to May 2002-03 in Costa Rica and Guatemala and I'm still in contact with my Costa Rican host family.  Some of that host family have come onto Facebook.  I contacted my tia loca there because of a mudslide in the family's hometown.  My host mother responded with such enthusiasm and love I got teary eyed.  Gotta get to Costa Rica soon.