Dear Red States...
We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and
we're taking the other Blue States with us.
In case you aren't aware, that includes California,
Hawaii, Oregon,Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the
Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation.
To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the
slave states.
We get stem cell research and the best beaches.
We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood. We get
Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom...or what's left of it.
We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.
We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and
entrepreneurs. You get Alabama.
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the
red states finally pay their fair share.
Since the Blue State aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent
lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy
families. You get a bunch of single moms.
Please be aware that we will be pro-choice and anti- war,
and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at
once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals.
They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths
for no real purpose, and they don't care if you don't show
pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success
in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to
spend our resources on Bush's Quagmire any longer.
With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of
80 percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90
percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh
fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines (you can serve beer
at state dinners) 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the
high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living
redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven
Sister schools, plus Berkeley, Stanford, Cal Tech, Chicago,
Madison, Michigan, and MIT.
With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to
cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected
health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100
percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of
all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all
televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the
University of Georgia.
We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you. Additionally, 38
percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually
swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we're
discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that
evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11
and 61 percent of you crazy b*****ds believe you are people with
higher morals then we lefties.
Peace out,
Blue States
LIFE IS A JOURNEY.
ROLL DOWN THE WINDOW AND ENJOY THE BREEZE
This is something I got emailed! I LOVE the emails turning to "we lefties" 's favor now. But the thing I loved the best was the cheesy quote at the end. It couldn't be more true. Enjoy the breeze and no one has any right to take the breeze away from ANYBODY ELSE!
We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and
we're taking the other Blue States with us.
In case you aren't aware, that includes California,
Hawaii, Oregon,Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the
Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation.
To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the
slave states.
We get stem cell research and the best beaches.
We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood. We get
Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom...or what's left of it.
We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.
We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and
entrepreneurs. You get Alabama.
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the
red states finally pay their fair share.
Since the Blue State aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent
lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy
families. You get a bunch of single moms.
Please be aware that we will be pro-choice and anti- war,
and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at
once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals.
They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths
for no real purpose, and they don't care if you don't show
pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success
in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to
spend our resources on Bush's Quagmire any longer.
With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of
80 percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90
percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh
fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines (you can serve beer
at state dinners) 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the
high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living
redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven
Sister schools, plus Berkeley, Stanford, Cal Tech, Chicago,
Madison, Michigan, and MIT.
With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to
cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected
health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100
percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of
all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all
televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the
University of Georgia.
We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you. Additionally, 38
percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually
swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we're
discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that
evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11
and 61 percent of you crazy b*****ds believe you are people with
higher morals then we lefties.
Peace out,
Blue States
LIFE IS A JOURNEY.
ROLL DOWN THE WINDOW AND ENJOY THE BREEZE
This is something I got emailed! I LOVE the emails turning to "we lefties" 's favor now. But the thing I loved the best was the cheesy quote at the end. It couldn't be more true. Enjoy the breeze and no one has any right to take the breeze away from ANYBODY ELSE!
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