U U and YOU

Religion and spirituality has always been important to me. I think I can trace it back to when my mom died in 1990. I had to believe that I would see her again. Having her here with me for only 7 short years just seemed like the ultimate cosmic cheat. I was pissed in general. Nothing was really making sense to me and the adults were saying things to me that just confused me even more. I got some beauties as

"God wanted her with him."
"She's in a better place."
"She's not suffering anymore."

The list goes on. None of it made me really feel any better. I turned to the Catholic Church where I had grown up in. I reasoned that I could be around more people that knew my mom, the more I would learn about her. I was desperate for any and all stories. I will admit that I had a very warped sense of Catholicism. I just always thought that eating someone's flesh and drinking someone's blood was WEIRD. (I never believed it and thought it was weird.) For years after, I would pray but never talk to God. God took my mom, he didn't deserve to listen to me. So I talked with Jesus. I thought, "hey his own father let him get crucified, he'll understand me." The Trinity went out the window. Those were my thoughts, and I kept going. I felt that I couldn't fill the hole that I experienced. I couldn't break myself from a religion that I just didn't agree with before I found something else. I remember in a youth group meeting years ago, one leader asked us for some thoughts on "what is prayer." A response was "prayer is talking to an imaginary being that humans invented to make themselves feel better. The leader resolutely shot the answer down saying that's not what we Catholics believe. I thought that was very wrong. Religion to me has always been something more personal, positive, loving and none of the fearful, sinful, penitent scariness that Catholicism can seem.

After I finally came to terms with who I am, it was even harder to buy into a dogma that told me I was inherently flawed or wrong - I mean I love being right! I know I'm not perfect, but I never bought the whole original sin or the homosexuality is evil thing. Ok I bought it for awhile but then I started thinking maybe I wasn't wrong, maybe the rules were wrong. After attending church services in Mozambique where I had Bibles literally thrown at me and stayed in the church building for 12 hours, I had to move on.

SO I found Unitarian Universalism. The moment I walked in and someone said, Hi nice to see you, I was hooked. I'll tell you about it, I'm discovering it slowly. I like it so far and hope it likes me. The pastor is openly gay and so welcoming to all.

More next week.

Ian