End of 2008

Tonight I get to finally experience a German tradition of Television. New Year's Rockin' Eve German. Dinner for One Have a Look.

The End of an Era

Well, this is it. The last post from Africa. I'm sitting at OR Tambo International Airport in Joburg and bought 30 Rand worth of wireless so I could use my laptop. I'm slowly coming back into civilization. Jess left yesterday, and I played massive amounts of Pass the Pigs and Apples to Apples with the PCVs who were still at the backpackers. I've not really started processing my thoughts and emotions yet. It really has not hit me.

My last day in Africa was spent in bed until 9 AM!!!! What a luxury! Also, Pretoria was 25 degrees celcius today so rather cold for a summers day. I went and bought some extra socks though for when I land in Europe and I purchased a compelation CD called the GREAT SOUTH AFRICAN TRIP that I'm going to listen to in the plane and I know I'm going to ball my eyes out to the beautiful music. Africa will never be forgotten by me. I love her and hate her with equal passion and all I have to say is

KANIMAMBO KWATSI MAMAE AFRIKA!


PS. Should we have a vote on whether or not I continue this blog? Thank you all for reading over the years and I hope I can continue to entertain.

#1

Hallo van Suid Afrika

Sorry I've been missing in action but it's been an action filled 48 hours. The trip to South Africa was pretty uneventful. I just struggled to stay awake because I didn't want to miss any of the last 120 kilometers left in Mozambique. Got to the border and the sun was beating down. Of course the line was huge at the border. I felt like a refugee, but the funny thing was as I got closer to the building (deciding the future of my life) a guy took me by the arm and brought me to the front of the line. I thought maybe he "recognized" me from my Brazilian Soap Opera days, but he just wanted a fanta. He cut about 30 minutes off of my wait time, so I gave him 30 mets for his troubles. Yes, I guess I did bribe a border guard, but does it count as a bribe when he's just offering me some services! Naturally, my cell phone stopped working as I got over the border. This is such a ghetto fabulous cell phone that I'm surprised it lasted this long but thankfully I was able to bribe the other volunteer I was traveling with with dinner and some beers and now I have his cell phone. Like it would have worked in the States anyway. :) Oh PC, what you have taught me!

Got to Jozi and got scared, but during the day in a car, it doesn't look that scary. It kind of looks like a Framingham MA stuck in the 1980's. Had a couple hours before I left to the airport to pick up Jess. Andrew (the other PCV) and I went to the closest restaurant (We are in Joburg after all!!) which turned out to be a Portuguese Restaurant with Mozambican staff. The food was cheaper here than in Moz. GO FIGURE! Then off to the airport to pick up Jess who true to form showed up an hour late. I felt bad because the driver had to wait for me. But when he came to pick us up after Jess finally cleared customs, he had his pita in the car. (mistress) Epa Afrika! We got home at midnight and promptly fell asleep, thank GOD! Jess didn't sleep very well on the plane so was tired.

Day #2 started with us hitting the ground running. Jozi is the biggest city in Southern Africa and chocka history from all over the sub-continent. Me being the history nerd, I had to take advantage of where I was. We started this tour with a guy Moses and his ADORABLE son Siyande. We spent the next 12 hours with him but went to SOWETO, and the Apartheid museums. It was a little awkward for me in Soweto because it looks like how I lived in Moz, but since Jess can't get to Moz with me on this trip, I figured why the hell not. The Apartheid museum is what got me. I started crying. When you buy a ticket, you are issued with your racial classification on the ticket. I joked with Jess that she was most definitely going to get "blankie" and I would get "nie-blankie." White and non-white. Well, I was right and I just couldn't stop laughing! Even though we are siblings and obviously both white, Apartheid thought otherwise. Just got me thinking how stupid racism and that whole system was/is. Jess and I also started realizing that it still exists in America, we just never had some term to call it by name. You don't identify something, then it doesn't exist now, does it?

Later last night, we went to a Johnny Clegg concert. WOW! This man is amazing. I want all of you to investigate him and see how wonderful the music of this continent is. We were five rows back (almost in spitting distance) for R205. So cheap. The dancing was beautiful, the voices were amazing and one of the back up singers had one of the biggest bundas/bums I've ever seen in my life and man could she shake it! I'm still on a high from the sheer joy of life that I experienced last night. There were some afrikaaners in the crowd who were the first one's up dancing and seeing that even further concretes my belief that all this fighting, fear and hatred is completely pointless cause in the end, we all want to have a good time, love and be loved. I challenge someone to prove me wrong. :)

Today was a day of rest. Slept in til 9 AM! Had some leisurely breakfast and tea then went on a 12 k walk through the city. To the mall and back so we could get some beer so don't get too hasty about thinking that I've become some sort of health nut! Listening to the CD I bought last night of the concert, we caught up on the past year. Suprises on both sides, but what's life without a little bit of surprise right... one word, boring! We came back, cooked some dinner, played some pigs (thank you Pamela Shelly and Anne Blumenauer) and are now getting ready to go to bed because we are catching the bus to Namibia tomorrow.

So, we'll be back in South Africa on the 25th so for any christmas calls, you can reach us at +27 760 666 034. I'll update what our Namibian number is.

Tchau for now

Ian and Jess

Addendum

Just wanted to add a few more things to my lists of misses and not misses. Many people, mainly Virginia and Noel have been telling me things I will be missing.

SO:

Misses


Manica (I think their stock will take a hit when I leave)
Fresh Coconuts anytime
"Mandaring" children to go buy you things when it's too hot
tipo tinto (my biggest vice)
capulana clothing


Won't miss
lack of queues
5 people doing the job that one person does at home

Hal is alive

Facebook

Is it a book of faces that come back haunting you from your past? Yes I believe so. I've had weird Facebook experiences before, but yesterday takes the cake. You all know the people you may know aspect of Facebook, well, my host family from the first half year of Germany was all on there. How did Facebook know? There was no 6 degrees of separation connection. It just was freaky, because all 6 of them were on there. I decided, what they hell, and friended the oldest 3 who I was closer with anyone before ww3 broke out. To my big surprise, they all responded!

Guess people do grow up with age...

The America List

What I’m excited for in America

CHEESE!!!!

NPR

Being exotic

Appliances that work

Public transport that works on a schedule

Speaking American English Again

Getting things all in one place (I think Wal Mart would kill me right now)

CHEESE!!!

Choice

Obama

Clinton

Flush toilets

clean bathrooms

high speed

being able to have an egg and cheese sandwich without confusing people

having enough change

things will just work... i think

not being stared at

Passing through the border and feel proud to put down my passport

seeing my family

seeing my friends

going to theater

going to movies

dating

living life in the land of obama

seeing Mag

seeing friends

seeing family

Living in Philly

plotting my next escape

looking for a job

HIGH SPEED INTERNET

What will scare me

People that voted for Bush

That fact Bush and I are in the same country

the possibility that Palin may run in 2012

The cold

the size

the language

the accent

the cold

the snow

the amount of white people

the racism I will only really notice now

flush toilets

clean bathrooms

choice

supersize

mcdonalds (it's been nice not seeing a mcdonalds in YEARS!)

any other thoughts?

Last day of Work

Since it’s my last day of work in Africa (for some time at least) I thought I’d come up with a list of what I’m looking forward to in America, what I’m not, what I’ll miss in Mozambique and what I’m not going to miss. I hope my profuse sweating doesn’t short out the entire computer keyboard. It’s kinda gross how much I’m sweating at 8:30 in the morning! Here we go……..

What I’ll miss in Moz

Friendly people

Talking about absolutely nothing for hours

DOING absolutely nothing for hours

The slow pace of life

Being a celebrity

Calling my own hours at work

Inhambane Bay

A (ok) beach 15 minutes from my house

Forests of coconut trees

Beers for $1

One syllable responses

Gorgeous people

Wonderful smiles

My housekeeper and here endless cheerfulness even though she lives in a grass hut

My dogs

My next door neighbor Vaz

Being Tio to at least 50 kids

Sylvia’s restaurant

Sylvia’s chicken

Sylvia’s hugs

SYLVIA

My little Maxixe crew (who’ve all gone and abandoned me!)

The tree bar with a 360 degree people watching perch

Being able to act crazy and no one really care because I’m white

Letting my dog chase children knowing that she’ll never catch them (I mean people her tail is wagging!)

Rain on a tin roof as long as it doesn’t come inside

The tropical downpours

The heat

The fact that “cold” for me over the past 3 years has been 60 degrees.

Beautiful Sunsets

Beautiful Sunrises

Beautiful Beaches

My friends

Maputo (crazy mix of Latina and African Cultures)

Peace Corps Crew

Big Mama at the Market

Speaking multiple languages a day

Laughing over the smallest things

My lizard pest control system

Walking around and knowing EVERYONE

Speaking comfortably in English while no one else understands

EWWWWWEEEEE, Epa!, aaahhheehhh and the myriad of other grunting noises that just conveys so much meaning

Tofo Beach

Inhambane City

What I won’t miss

The heat (brain frying comes to mind)

The staring- I’m really NOT that special

Everyone thinking I’m made of money when they make more money than me

CHAPAS!!!! Clown Car public transport

The staring

Chapas

Never knowing how long traveling could take.

People thinking I don’t speak Portuguese

People who pretend like they’re listening to me and aren’t really

The heat

The mosquitoes (3 years on lariam is ENOUGH!)

Not knowing if you can get what you want when you want it. The west is spoiled!

The staring

Mulungo status

The heat

Stupid conductors on buses that think you would still take this form of public transport if you had a choice!

The fact that a distance of 20 k could take 30 minutes or 3 hours

The little rubbing together of the fingers to signify money

Dancing about the subject instead of heading straight for it

Stupid small talk

Yeah, my miss list is smaller than my won't miss list!

I'm so dizzy

My head is spinning. I've got 2 days left at work, 5 days left in my town where I've spent the past 3 years of my life. I've got 10 days left in a country that has taught me so much more than I could have imagined when I signed to dotted line all those years ago. I've got 27 days left on a continent I don't know how I'll get back to and as the saying goes "never leaves you." I thought when I left for Germany in 1999, I'd find myself, I thought when I left Friend's World I'd find myself, I thought signing up for Peace Corps, I'd find myself (that worked a little better as many of you know!) and now as I'm leaving I wonder if I'll find myself. But as one of my dear friends said here, one thing ends another thing begins... at least I'll never be boring at dinner parties. :)

P.S. I'm so thankful for all my friends of the years who have kept in contact with me and hopefully will for many years to come.

Happy Thanksgiving

As I'm wiping the sweat off of my brow and really getting aggravated at the 7 people that are in my tiny office, I just wanted to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving. I'm now 47 days from coming back to the Land of Obama, 2 years since my harrowing thyroid escapades, and winding up year three of life in Africa. The next 47 days will bring some crazy times I've no doubt. The last three years in Mozambique have proved to me that the only thing you don't get over in life is death. I thought things were really serious with the thyroid, now all I can't do because of it is go to a place like the Pitcairn Islands. Who would want to go there though?

That's the next thing, I've nothing to do at work except explain to people that the folders of pornography they've downloaded could be the reason that the computers aren't working anymore. So I've developed this fascination with really far flung places and mighty small places in this world. My two latest ones are Pitcairn Islands and Bhutan. I just read a wonderful book about Bhutan called BEYOND THE EARTH AND THE SKY and yup, you guessed it, I want to go there. I'm looking for this book called SERPENT IN PARADISE and I don't have to wait for reading that book, I already want to go there. I'm not too sure they'd let me in to either place though because of the synthroid medicine.

Anyone want to join me on some crazy treks?

Happy Thanksgiving

So long, Farewell, Auf wiedersehen, goodbye

It's hot and sticky, people are asking me to basically sell them the shirt off my back and I'm ready to go. Mozambique, you've been good to me but I'm ready to continue on, by way of South Africa, Namibia, Germany and The United Kingdom. I'm going to be seeing wonderful friends and my sister along the way. Most of which I haven't seen in varying year degrees of time. Hopefully they are as excited to see me as I am them. I hope I can remember how to communicate with people in the first world though.

As I said what was probably the hardest see you soon, (for right now anyway) I realized that I have to keep PCVs in my life, or people with a good sense of British-esque humor, otherwise I'm going to have no friends! But, I've been in a funk most of the day because I'm leaving. I've got to say goodbye to people who have been wonderful to me, not knowing when I'll be back around this part of the world. Mozambique is not exactly on the "well-traveled" route. However, I also realized this past weekend that I've made some friends for life. I love when you run into those people. I tend to find 2 or 3 of them in every place I live. I just hope I continue having people in my life who inspire me like all those crazy people who came to my going away party.

I just never thought I would be THIS sad to say goodbye to Mozambique. I've had fun, hard times, and normal times. I guess I've gotten so used to being the American Abroad that now, being faced with my first real long stint of living in America I'm scared, nervous, excited, you name it. Any suggestions how to get out of this funk and realize I have an excellent trip in front of me, will be seeing great people and going to the land of Obama?

Culture of Cheating

I do not understand Machismo, and I am a man! I was first really introduced to it in Costa Rica but three years here in Mozambique has blown open the cover that it is a really shitty way to treat one entire half of the population. I just got a phone call from a friend of mine. She was dating this guy from her town for almost a year and a half. It turned out that he’d been cheating on her the entire time, with a 16 year old student no less! We were amply warned during our training about fidelity issues within the Mozambican culture, however we always want to give the benefit of the doubt. This guy seemed like a really good guy and he didn’t look that bad either. That’s for a whole different blog, the beautiful people of Mozambique. Going back on topic…

One gets lonely here. Most people end up dating a Mozambican. But within that culture if a man only has ONE woman, he’s viewed as less of a man. Of course, everyone “officially” says that polygamy is over, the state outlaws it but you’d have to be complete blind not to see it. My friend’s guy told her flat out that he had sent the previous girl away, that she was the only one – that lasted for about two weeks. Now the news is that he got this other girl pregnant! She’s 18 now but she’s still my friend’s student. So it seems that there was never anything more than “oh look I’m dating the white girl” from this guy’s part. That hurts. I’ve had a girl totally stalk me, she has been stalking me for most of the 3 years but I just play along. I think it’s more out of affection now because I came out to her, she laughed and said you white people are weird, but if you don’t like girls okay! I was shocked but I was desperate to get her off my back. Finding out you are only being pursued for the color of your skin makes you feel so used and worthless. Every conversation with strangers tends to work out how much they want some “whitey” as there friend. White skin is better in the minds of some desperately poor Mozambicans and since they can’t change the color of their own skin, they do everything they can to have some of the “accessories.” It sucks. Besides, I don’t really think the African sun treats white skin to kindly. I’m always breaking out in rashes and weird skin issues when the majority of Mozambican friends have skin that would make a supermodel jealous.

What I want to know, why are people scared?

Obamamania in Mozambique

It’s been a hard pressed issue for me to say that I’m truly happy to be American. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always liked the IDEA of America and greatly appreciated the benefits that come with its passport, but I’ve never liked our approach to the rest of the world that “we know best so listen to us.” Cause it’s becoming more and more apparent that we do NOT know best. I’m getting totally off topic though.

Witnessing this past election from abroad was a mixed blessing. On the positive side, I didn’t have to suffer the 2 year long campaign cycle. I hear there’s already talk about Palin starting up a campaign for 2012!?!?!?!?! Please NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! On the negative side of me being over here, I didn’t get to vote. I tried. I really tried. My ballot came on the day of the election to add some insult to injury. But on top of that, I didn’t get to take part in any sort of rallies et al. I would have loved to work for the greater good and hopefully will get a chance at some point in my life. The biggest positive in the campaign for me though is seeing that the world is ready to forgive us. I’ve always found it very amazing how the world supposedly “hates” America yet anywhere I’ve been there is always some part of Americana to be found. Even here in Mozambique, they may not have a McDonald’s, but they’ve got 4 KFC’s and they venerate Snoop Doggy Dogg like he is some kind of deity. The news the Tupac is dead hasn’t really hit hear yet. J Meeting new people has been so much fun recently. Without even mentioning politics, this new person inevitably will say PARA BENS when he or she learns I am American. Mozambique is in the middle of Provincial elections right now and the governing Party FRELIMO (who is the richer of the two parties) is out in force. It’s still the political atmosphere where anybody who wants to get anywhere in Mozambique joins FRELIMO…I guess old habits die hard. Anyway, when party caravans are going on the street, someone will usually recognize me who is in them and their will be some shouts of VIVA OBAMA interspersed with the other shouts. I just smile and walk on and say I’m for peace because I’m in the PEACE CORPS.

However, even the most racist South Africans I’ve seen here are genuinely happy about the Obama win. These are the kind of people that bitch about Apartheid being gone from their “Vaderland.” Yet they think Obama is the right direction that America has to go in. “Because he’s coloured. It’s a good first step.” I’m not joking, these are some comments I’ve heard around here!

I think I’ve strayed from the topic I wanted to write, but I’ve got a pretty preoccupied mind. I only have 21 days left in Maxixe – an area I’ve called home for 3 years. Then it’s off to Maputo for 5 days to exit out of the Peace Corps with which I’m officially done on the 11^th of December! Here’s the plan to get my African self home.

December 11^th I go to Joburg to pick up Jessica. We’ll travel around Joburg until the 14^th of December when we go to Windhoek in Namibia. We’ll travel around the Windhoek area until the 19^th when we go to Soususvlei (the tallest Sand Dune in the world) for 3 days. After which we’ve got 3 more days in Namibia, travel back to South Africa and then she’ll fly back to NYC on the 27^th of December. I’m going to be staying one extra night. Gotta say goodbye to Mama Africa on my terms. J Then I fly to Berlin. Going to visit family and friends in the Berlin area until the 9^th of January when I fly to London. I’ll be in London for 4 days just to say hi to important people. Then the grand entrance back to the land of Obama will be mid afternoon at Newark airport on January 14^th.

Anyone want to pick me up????

It's time

What a difference a day makes…

President-elect Barack Hussein Obama... That has a nice ring to it don’t you think? He’s also got a damn good looking family that we’ll be forced to look at for the next 4 years. The fact that his speeches get millions of people fired up, energized and in tears (as we saw Jesse Jackson and Oprah Winfrey do in Chicago) and he helped prove that the generational apathy for politics is no longer true! We've got real change coming. Florida even voted blue.

The feeling overseas has been amazing folks. I stayed up all night with some other American friends in Mozambique. We bought some food, made tacos and drinks and celebrated all night. Even before we new the result. It was a little weird that Mozambique is in the middle of their first ever local elections so we had a bit of a local election ferver ourselves. However, the most beautiful moment came when the campaign was called. There were 7 of us at the party and we all had our cell phones out. All of these started ringing and sending through text messages. I got 20 messages in the first 15 minutes only 8 of which were from overseas. The most wonderful was from a good friend of mine in Homoine. Here is his text verbatim in English (he's an English Teacher)

"Congratulations my friend. That's a sea of change for USA and 4 u guys. I am watching it and we are all American today. I am feeling as an American and wish you my friend to Enjoy CELEBRATE IT!"

Wow, okay there is a little work to be done but he speaks English. When I got in to work today (They gave me yesterday off to celebrate) everyone gave me a massive hug and one woman had tears in her eyes. I'm getting choked up about it again. There were shouts of VIVA OBAMA! when I walked into the office today. My inbox was full of congrats emails from the UK to Guatemala, to Australia all extolling the situation we have created in America. I've heard on numerous occasions throughtout my 3 years in Mozambique that a black man could never be president of America. It is a wonderful feeling to realize that ONE CAN!!!! But we need to stop realizing that the color of the skin has any importance. Obama has cool policies. I'll talk about that another time. I am overjoyed but also a bit saddened about what went on in America. California, Arizona, Arkansas and Florida should be ashamed of themselves.

I've found this quote from Thomas Jefferson. A founder of our country. Someone who's views of democracy I still admire greatly.

"A democracy is nothing more than mob rule, where fifty-one percent of the people may take away the rights of the other forty-nine. All, too, will bear in mind this sacred principle, that though the will of the majority is in all cases to prevail, that will to be rightful must be reasonable; that the minority possess their equal rights, which equal law must protect, and to violate would be oppression." - Thomas Jefferson

WOULD BE OPPRESSION. That is what these laws are. If States want to outlaw gay marriage then they must outlaw interracial marriage, they must outlaw inter religious marriage they must treat eveyone fairly. Imagine a law saying that it was illegal for little Felix to be born? Let me put in another quote from Madiba (Nelson Mandela)

In its proper meaning equality before the law means the right to participate in the making of the laws by which one is governed, a constitution which guarantees democratic rights to all sections of the population, the right to approach the court for protection or relief in the case of the violation of rights guaranteed in the constitution, and the right to take part in the administration of justice as judges, magistrates, attorneys-general, law advisers and similar positions.
In the absence of these safeguards the phrase 'equality before the law', in so far as it is intended to apply to us, is meaningless and misleading. All the rights and privileges to which I have referred are monopolised by whites, and we enjoy none of them. The white man makes all the laws, he drags us before his courts and accuses us, and he sits in judgement over us. - Nelson Mandela 1962

This is equality before the LAW. Marriage has nothing to do with wanting to see one's partner in the hospital after a car accident. Marriage has nothing to do with what most of us want. Is it wrong to want the simple legal rights of almost every one of your friends? Imagine the feeling if your husband or wife were dying in the hospital and you couldn't say good bye. Who has the right to deny this personal moment between two men or two women. Religion is something between God and the person. It is the MOST PERSONAL of experiences someone can have. My religion taught me that I should love my neighbor, emulate Christ and help others. How can a ban on marriage be an emulation of Christ? After all, didn't God make every single one of us?

I personally have finally come to terms with myself as a gay man. It took a long time and took me moving to the other side of the world to see a soceity where it is even less accepted than in my own country. I firmly believe that God still loves me because I've done nothing wrong. I believe in some way he made me and if I were to deny my sexuality I would be defying his word. To all of you who read this I apologize for the public forum but I'm tired of making excusses because this is who I am. I haven't changed, my concious self has just clicked into gear. Now, what I want to ask, most of you that read this have known me my entire life, know that my parents didn't "raise me gay", know that I've been a faithful church-goer for the majority of my life and have told me that you love me like a son/brother etc., would you deny me the right to have a family, have a partner and be able to live my life the way I want to. You know I would never harm another, you know I would only wish the best for another. So please, search your heart and see if little Eenie Man really merits denial of basic human rights...

3 years working for the betterment of my country and this is some of the repayment. We CANNOT let this go Federal!

Thank you very much for reading this and please if you disagree in anyway, I will readily listen to anything you have to say.

FOR ALL

This is the text of a letter from Nelson Mandela (the best politician EVER ANYWHERE!) to Barack Obama (keeping my fingers crossed.)

Dear Senator Obama,

We join people in your country and around the world in congratulating you on becoming the President-Elect of the United States. Your victory has demonstrated that no person anywhere in the world should not dare to dream of wanting to change the world for a better place.

We note and applaud your commitment to supporting the cause of peace and security around the world. We trust that you will also make it the mission of your Presidency to combat the scourge of poverty and disease everywhere.

We wish you strength and fortitude in the challenging days and years that lie ahead. We are sure you will ultimately achieve your dream making the United States of America a full partner in a community of nations committed to peace and prosperity for all.

Sincerely,

N R Mandela


Reading this, I thought back to when the Apartheid regime let Mandela out of jail in 1990. Now they started working on the constitution of the Rainbow Nation of South Africa. Mandela said equality must be there for ALL. Blacks, whites, coloureds, indians, gays, straights, Zulu, Swazi... you get the idea ALL.

We in America have something that our children say everday for the first 12 years of their educational lives. It goes something like this.

"I pledge allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America, and to the Republic for which it stands, one nation, under God, indivisible, for liberty and justice for all."

Most people fight for the under God or the indivisible to be struck away. I'm just never going to say it again until I can say it and not feel like a liar. If there is one thing my church has taught me it is to not lie and to love thy neighbor.

All those people out there who appose gay rights, do you appose my rights?

Little Side Note

Lot's of stuff has been happening but I just want to say EVEN MY DOG got caught up in Obamania and gave birth to a litter of 7 on election night. I think one should be called Obama no?

Public Service Announcement

Dear Red States...

We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and
we're taking the other Blue States with us.

In case you aren't aware, that includes California,
Hawaii, Oregon,Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the
Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation.
To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the
slave states.

We get stem cell research and the best beaches.
We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood. We get
Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom...or what's left of it.

We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.

We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and
entrepreneurs. You get Alabama.

We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the
red states finally pay their fair share.

Since the Blue State aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent
lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy
families. You get a bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that we will be pro-choice and anti- war,
and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at
once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals.
They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths
for no real purpose, and they don't care if you don't show
pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success
in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to
spend our resources on Bush's Quagmire any longer.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of
80 percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90
percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh
fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines (you can serve beer
at state dinners) 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the
high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living
redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven
Sister schools, plus Berkeley, Stanford, Cal Tech, Chicago,
Madison, Michigan, and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to
cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected
health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100
percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of
all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all
televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the
University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you. Additionally, 38
percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually
swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we're
discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that
evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11
and 61 percent of you crazy b*****ds believe you are people with
higher morals then we lefties.

Peace out,

Blue States

LIFE IS A JOURNEY.
ROLL DOWN THE WINDOW AND ENJOY THE BREEZE

This is something I got emailed! I LOVE the emails turning to "we lefties" 's favor now. But the thing I loved the best was the cheesy quote at the end. It couldn't be more true. Enjoy the breeze and no one has any right to take the breeze away from ANYBODY ELSE!

Election Update

Some people will be blogging minute by minute. unfortunately I can't do that. So check back here tomorrow for happiness or sadness. I will be staying up all night tonight and hoping for the best.

GOBAMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!! please???

VIVA AMERICA.... I hope

It’s not just Election Day in America, there are some political happenings here too, things that wouldn’t have looked out of place on the streets of East Berlin in the 1980’s. Mozambique has been under the control of FRELIMO since the day of independence, first because all other options were outlawed and then finally now because they own so much of the country, no one would be stupid enough to vote them out of power. But I’m not going to preach my views on them. I’ll do that when I’m NOT in the country anymore. I just want to give “ya’ll” a taste of what it is looking like around here.

I went for a quick errand run right before I’m sending this – just a walk to the central market to by some credit for my phone. I took a wide arc around the main square of town, trying to avoid the fist pumping VIVA FRELIMO! cries and went to get my weekly $4 of credit. The town is COVERED in red pamphlets, flyers, posters, bunting, you name it of FRELIMO and I saw 2 opposition posters, one of which was partially torn off the lamp post. You see, Mozambique has never really had anything but a presidential election before and they’ve only had 3 of those. 33 years of independence, one election about every 11 years! We’re on the right track! This year, people are voting for the mayors of towns, the provincial governors, the provincial assemblies right on down to comptroller. I’m joking about that last part, I don’t even really now what a comptroller does. But everyone is very excited about it – or very excited to get the free ruby red FRELIMO PARTIDO DO PAZ tees, I really can’t tell. The eerie thing is that people are in the back of pickups, going around town yelling different slogans and waving banners and flags around… something I want to avoid.

However, talk to me tomorrow, because if O wins tonight, I may just shout AMERICA OYE!!!!

Found this

My sister sent me this link about the link between John McCain and RENAMO. I just can’t believe the pure gall of this man who wants to accuse Obama of supporting terrorists? I’m sparing you all the decription of the massacre and pictures I’ve seen. People in the town said the 436 is the number of bodies found those that were there say it was closer to 1000. It all happened in the course of 10 hours. So 100 people died an hour…

How can we break this into the main stream news and show people that voting for McCain is just a BAD idea?

I have this colleague

His name is Joe, well not really but you get the picture. Anyway, his official job title is “PROGRAM COORDINATOR.” That should include the implementation, managing and oversight of all the HIV and personal health programs this NGO runs. But in all honesty, it constitutes CONSTANTLY sending text messages, playing marathon spider solitaire and looking up pornography on the internet. So the big boss started cracking down and is sending him to a provincial wide health workers meeting in the capital city of Inhambane. He has to write a report now for the meeting. Yesterday he sat down on my desk and said, Ian, can you do this for me? I said I could help him and wouldn’t do it alone. Now today he is not talking to me. Oh well…. Am I wrong?