SNARKY

Am I snarky? I never even would have thought this was a real word Samantha but apparently it is. According to dictionary.com snarky means testy or irritable or ireverent or short. Its classified as mainly British Slang. But it's even in Webster's Dictionary and wikitionary. Any of you heard of this word before? Click on the word above. Its a Russian Rebel News Group. A Russian Rebel News Group using British slang as their domain name. Now that's snarky, don't ya think?

Ah the wonders of Afrikaaners

The White Tribe of Africa. The Boers. The Europeans. The White Africans or just racists dumbasses. Whatever you want to call them, sometimes what they say (most of the time) is just astounding in there stupidity and down right mean! I was sitting in a restaurant here in town the other afternoon and got accosted by a Boer. He heard me speaking English on the telephone and came over for a chat even though he wasn't invited. If you don't speak die taal, you don't deserve any respect. Anyway, he sat down, I was a little high on life (hey it was Friday) so I chatted. He immediately started telling me how much he likes Americans. This was after he found out I am American and he said he just hoped we would f*** up our country by elected a black man like they did in South Africa. I just told him that a White Anglo-Saxon Protestant, or basically what he ishas already done a good job. On that note I left. Pretty good diplomacy huh?

HAPPY 4th!

HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY!!!!


While all of my American friends are having fun on the beach, I'm headed to the beach!

Happy 4th

Will we ever need to leave home?

Google. Pretty soon the world is going to be pre Google age and Google age dated. Forget about BC and AD or BCE and CE. It's going to be PGA and GA. But really... I discovered something online today that was just AMAZING! It's Google's scanned in book partnership program. I vaguely remember hearing something about this, but let's just say I've been out of the loop for awhile. Anyway, I had gotten a request to do some translation between English Portuguese and Makhuwa. I don't speak Makhuwa but it is similar to Xitswa which I do speak a little of. Both of them were Bantu Languages so somewhat related. I went online to try and find the phrases and words I was looking for with a colleague from that area of Mozambique. Anyway, I found this digital library from Google. We were able to locate a scanned copy of this book from the early 1900's that is thought of as the leading example of Portuguese, English and Makhuwa translation. Funnily enough, it's written by a German for the Imperial Overseas Bantu Department. Ahhhh colonialism. Anyway, it was a big help to finish my work which lead me to completion of my first "professional" translation job. I remember the first time I got paid to act. $50 then and I thought it was amazing. With this work of, oh it maybe took me a half an hour, I made about 27,025,826.99 Zimbabwean dollars!

Death's a Bitch

She isn’t pretty, she’s comes too fast and here in this country she’s so damn unpredictable. There is this old guy that has been working in my place probably as long as it’s been running. I think he’s a founding member of the organization. Anyway before the move, he was fine. Now all of a sudden, he’s skinny skinny skinny, beady eyes, doesn’t eat or recognize anybody. This is all being told to me by a colleague. Now he’s on death’s door. Someone else that gave me a ride from Xai-Xai to Maxixe last year died. (AIDS) This man who’s been working with us… dare I say it? Almost made it 2 years and then 4 people close to me are close to dying in one year. Damn the fear of this disease.

Larium dream extraordinaire

Last night was definitely one of the weirdest dreams I have EVER had in this country. They thankfully had no physical repercussions the next day, but they still messed with my mind. One involved my dog and the other involved my friend Anne. Anne and I were in the Ian McEwan book called Atonement. It’s a pretty good book if you guys want to read it. But the premise of the movie was geared towards me, and it was Anne who ratted on me (the lowly servant boy) when he tried to make it with her older sister –resulting in my death. I was so confused though because Anne and I are good friends and I didn’t want her to be mad at me. But I called her in the morning and she was fine. 

The other dream is the dream that scared me a little bit. My dog has really grown attached to me recently. You all might remember when my other dog was killed. I was really upset. This dog now is wonderful. I think it’s been a long enough time from the other dog that I don’t compare the two anymore. Last night in my dream she was killed though. Mozambique is a very superstitious country, so my housekeeper (in my dream) told me the next morning when she came in that I had to petrify my dog to keep her with me. But, Kuri’s spirit would not go away until I buried her… in my living room floor. The thing that just got me, I was able to see her in such detail in my dream. She naturally didn’t fit in my floor. Things need to be confusing in Larium dreams! But I could really only fit her butt into the floor, so I cemented her in fearing that her spirit wouldn’t leave me alone if I didn’t. My conscious self doesn’t quite see the logic of having a petrified dog in your floor over the chance of having her spirit wandering around the yard where she could be keeping away the robbers.

WOW!

So many of you know, Mozambique was and still is a very poor country. For the entirety of its civil war, it was on the top of the list of miserable places to live. But we’ve come a long way baby. The road up to my town has just been paved in its entirety! Sorry Noel and Sam that you had to suffer through that. Broadband internet is now the way to go according to the phone company. They don’t offer anything less her now. But, the really phenomenal thing that has happened has to do with a certain MC Roger. He’s probably the most famous person in the country. Maybe an R. Kelly or Notorious B.I.G equivalent, you get the picture. He’s big. Well, he got caught with some male prostitutes in Maputo. Apparently, he likes to do that sort of thing – pay for prostitutes that is. I never understand why people who could honestly get anyone they want go out and pay for love. That’s the thing though. He didn’t want the millions of Mozambican women who through themselves at him. This is big people. Most people here don’t even know what homosexuality is or if they do, “it doesn’t exist in Mozambique” So, here’s the best thing, instead of pulling some American Republican “I had a moment of weakness, gone over to the dark side fufu dust” he came out on the evening news. You could almost feel the country’s jaw drop. Then they picked it up and moved on. I asked around what people thought about this news, and they still said he makes good music….

Bang bang

Tomorrow is the 33rd anniversary of independence and also this is the last posting I may do in a while. My office is moving. So I just wanted to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESSICA (tomorrow that is)

SAVED!

So in the depths of winter that we are in right now, I've been watching lots of movies with the dog and endless cups of tea. Unfortunately most of the movies have been merda, but I watched a very good movie called SAVED! the other night. It was so highly entertaining. It's a Brian Dannelly film and you can find it here.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saved%21

One thing interesting in the movie was the quote the Jesus was the ultimate rebel. It was by the principal/priest of the school so I don't think it was said to be interpreted as I have interpreted it. But there is a gay character in the movie who gets booted out of school for his 'sickness.' "Jesus didn't love him" was what won character said. But if Jesus were the ultimate rebel, wouldn't he be happy about someone being different and having the courage to go against the grain just as he did? That's what the movie started saying in some weird ironic sense. Yet I want to know why the people that call themselves the holiest are actually the most evil inside?

Thoughts?

Sad sad time in Zimbabwe

Most of the world is watching with baited breath what is going on in Zimbabwe. This country used to be the most developed country in Africa outside South Africa. South Africans would sometimes send their children there when they wanted a good education but for a cheaper price than in the Republic of South Africa. Things were just as good in Zimbabwe, but a fraction of the price.
Now, it costs millions of Zimbabwean Dollars for a cup of coffee and that idiot in charge, along with the idiot in South Africa are saying nothing is wrong. Now, the opposition has withdrawn it's election candidate because they want an election and not war. The government's slogan is now WIN or WAR. Where are we going?

Go to nytimes.com and check it out.

The rest of the trip

Day 4 Monday – Segunda-feira (12^th May)

We did not have a very pleasant wake up today. Last night before I went to bed I thought I had heard a noise outside so I turned on a light and saw nothing. I wasn’t too worried but I shouldn’t have been. Normally my town is not that unsafe. But I’ve come to believe that if you tempt a Mozambican. They just don’t have much of anything. They never want to hurt you; they just want your stuff. Three white people have a lot of stuff. So they came and took some stuff. They took my bike by breaking through the chain lock I have been using and then proceeded to take a plastic chair out of my outside room, they took Sam’s sandals and then this is the really ballsy part, they started ripping at the screens on my windows. They didn’t find anything in the living room, but then they came to the bedroom window and burned a whole through the screen. They reached in through the bars and took my phone from my nightstand right next to my sleeping head! The robbers are lucky that I’m a hard sleeper because if I woke up to an arm reaching through my barred window, that arm would be staying with me!

I told Vaz next door about the robbery and he felt very bad. He ran to get Annie right away. I called Muhurube and he said that he would come with a phone so I could be in contact with everybody. Acissa ended up showing up too. Everyone was just very concerned about what was going on. Luckily my house is a fortress. It has VERY strong bars that no one can get through. It’s still unnerving though when things like this happen. Anne came right away and I was able to communicate with Peace Corps. Anne made a little bit of a language mistake that made us all laugh. She sent a text to PROLIR (where she works) that Ian robou ontem. Ian robbed someone yesterday. Gotta get the passive into there with Ian foe robado ontem. Ian was robbed yesterday. But, everyone understood.

After a quick breakfast, we went off to the market to by some new shoes for Samantha. She had nothing left with her except for some clunky shoes from America. We found some Brazil flag sandals and she loved them. The guy was starting at 75 meticais. I told him right away that wouldn’t pay anything more than 50 meticais because that’s what I got them for at Tofo. He got mad and starting saying that Tofo was destroying his business. The funny thing is that I said the same thing in Tofo to get the price down. Oh I could get those for 50 mets in Maxixe!!! On the way back from the market, Sam really wanted to get rid of the shoes she got so she just gave them to a woman on the side of the road. I think the woman was very confused but happy I hope. I had run around this morning to try and get the phone working because the phone that Muhurube gave me did not accept the code. I love that guy dearly, but his habit of trafficking cell phones makes me a little crazy. I mean the cell phone I’m using now said I LOVE YOU SO MUCH TOMMY on it when I turned it on. Really? He is nice though because he offered me a cell phone without my even having to ask for it. He then went to the office where I work and told them what happened. It’s kind of nice of him to take such an interest in me. J After the office today, it was off to the city beach. It’s not the nicest beach in the area, but it is still a nice beach. We walked around in town and saw some of the old baobab trees. These are the massive typically thought of as Africa and are ENORMOUS. Check out my photos page on Google for the pictures of this. Sam and Noel went swimming and then we got some sugar cane. I remember when I first got here; I thought everyone was eating bamboo. Oh the naivety that I once had! And no I don’t want it back… it’s fun being cynical and snarky! J That’s the ultimate “oenamanipia” apparently. I don’t know what it means but it means exactly what it sounds like and I as well as Uncle Tony am it! Go figure. After the trip to the beach, we went home and had some spinach sauce on top of xima that is the staple food of Mozambique. We popped in a movie, the DaVinci code and promptly fell asleep. Ron Howard is losing his touch…

Day 5 Tuesday - Terça-feira (13^th May)

Today was supposed to be the day of Homoine. But, we were a little shaken up from yesterday. It was pretty unnerving but I will survive. Sam and Noel have been traveling for so long we just went back to Rio de Janeiro, the municipal beach in town. This time we were prepared too and be brought Anne along with us for company cause she is always good for a laugh. It was also her first time to Chicuque which is right across the street from our houses. Hey, you get into a routine and go to your places where you are comfortable. I also had a “brand new” cell phone that needed to be broken in. Off we went and this time I showed them a little bit of the old trees from Chicuque. We all knew our way through the paths because it’s only been less than 24 hours since we were in Chicuque last so we were feeling good about ourselves. We climb down the path and head up to the “mountain” of Chicuque. The mountain is just an overgrown sand dune, but since I am so wonderfully in shape, it only took me 20 minutes to get to the top. Ok I lie too much. Noel and I raced up to the top and were totally out of breath by the time we got to the top. Noel is Mr. Cross where as I only walk everywhere so I felt a little better about myself. When my 3 years are over, I’m going to have calf muscles the size of my head from all the walking in the sand.

Ever true to his artistic form, Noel made some awesome pictures from the top of the “mountain” and decided to take a video of Samantha trying to get up the hill. The dunes are HUGE for dunes so it’s a bit of a hike to get up. Samantha was winded too. The only smart one among us was Anne who just watched our stuff at the bottom and laughed. No one was around to watch this feat of physical humiliation (or to steal our bags for that matter) but after yesterday we didn’t want to take any chances! The beach is beautiful but there are so many other beautiful beaches around and this is right on the bay of two cities of over a hundred thousand people who have no place to throw there garbage. I’m not going to tell Noel and Sam that until they get back to the States. Anne talked us into going to our second home for another night of fun. We take the chapa home and all get ready for the onslaught of mosquitoes while we were out. As you’ll hopefully be able to see from the pictures, we had a good time. Noel and Sam mentioned a couple of times how lucky the PCVs are in my town that we are able to get together as often as we do. Not that we really have any other choice. Sometimes it is so good to be able to speak English at normal speed and not have to explain yourself every step of the way. That’s such a nice feeling. J I don’t remember exactly what when on at the campgrounds tonight but we all had fun. Nights like those don’t lend themselves to being written about anyway. The pictures are really worth a thousand words – in their blurriness and all…

I do like the fact that on the way home Noel recognized the Homoine name and took my picture by the road sign since we were not able to get up to Homoine today. Oh well. Maybe next visit…

Day 6 Wednesday – Quarta-feira (14^th May)

No real pictures are going to exist from this day I think. Wait, Noel took some pictures I just think I haven’t seen them yet. I never really wanted to take my camera out while in Maxixe and I had forgotten it when I went to go pick them up in Maputo. Now, after the robbery, I REALLY didn’t want to pick it out. Today was Christmas in May for Muhurube and my housekeeper. Sam and Noel were packing, we decided to go to the beach earlier so they would have a full day (2 nights) at Tofo, and they started making piles of what to give away. This was already after Sam gave away some shoes on the street. The lady probably thought “crazy white people, giving away perfectly good shoes.” Anyway, my housekeeper, Dona Raquia, got a bag full of clothes and some tennis shoes for her daughter. Muhurube got some shoes and a shirt. I took most of Noel’s clothes which I will give on when I’m finished. Pay it forward! Muhurube had come over for the morning and they were just looking at all the stuff Noel and Sam have accumulated. This was all done with a wide-eyed-child-in-candy-store type of amazement. You see, this is because even when Americans are “packing ‘lite’” they are probably packing more than most people in Maxixe have in their houses. Assim é a vida and it’s nothing we should feel guilty about.

I noticed the time was going fast and we still had to go to the market, Muhurube’s house and then they beach all the while buying food along the way so we wouldn’t get ripped off at the over-priced restaurants on the beach. We packed up and left. Muhurube, who had been at the house all morning, hey the man wanted to meet Noel and Samantha, walked with us to the market to buy some Maxixe souvenirs. I decided I would stay outside of the market because 2 mulungos (whites) are an attraction but 3 is a freaking circus. Muhurube knew his numbers in English and Noel and Samantha knew enough basic Portuguese that it went well. An hour and a half later they came out with the capulana bolts of cloth (sarongs), some wooden spoons for the kitchen, some clothing articles and a ‘new’ bright orange bag. After a quick soda, off we go to Muhurube’s house. That man must do a lot of walking in life. He’s always out and about and some mornings will be in my yard when I wake up. I admit, a little creepy, but the man’s a sweetheart. Every time we go to his house, he says it’s just around the corner. 20 to 30 minutes later, depending on how many people have stopped us, we are there. Noel and Samantha were chitchatting and little did I know what a work out I would be getting in the Portuguese/English interpretation field. His wife cooked matapa for us with crab. It’s a wonderful little dish that is really the only Mozambican dish I can stomach anymore. Let’s just say I am so OVER rice. J We sat around in his living room and talked. All for of us were able to have a conversation. It was really nice. It took a second for me to click into the groove but once I was in, I was in. Noel asked to look around at some of Muhurube’s paintings. He’s not only the sweetest man I know in Maxixe; he’s a pretty good artist. Much to my surprise, my brother and Samantha paid 1,000 MTn for my friends painting. That sum of money is ENORMOUS here in Mozambique and Muhurube has never sold a painting before. All parties involved were very happy. But we’re late we’re late for a very important date with the beach Tofo.

The bright side of being late, we got a spectacular show as we crossed the bay. The sun was just amazing over the hills of Homoine. Got some good pictures on my new camera phone and we ran to the bank and the market. The next adventure was not too fun. We were too later for the buses going out to the beach. We had to rent one from people. Make a long story short, they made it a hassle and then we were going to bring everyone with us and it would be a chapa. The separate but equal chapa of 15 mets for nationals and 150 mets for foreigners that I really really really hate – 15 mets is the real price. Whatever the price the beach is worth it and we made it. I think I’m understating it when I say we had a good time. We had to construct the tent though and that was a little difficult. Noel completely buggered off, ‘had to go to the bathroom,’ he said. Yeah… right. Sam and I put it up and then we moved on to the restaurant/bar.

CONFIDENTIAL

Day 7 Thursday – Quinta-feira (15^th May)

Unfortunately it looks like the censors have been at it again. I can’t find the entire part of yesterdays post. Oh well. Nothing to important went on anyway. Oh Yes, I do remember the funniest thing that happened last night. We called Marc, ‘nuf said, moving on.

Today is such a nice simple day. I don’t think I moved from my blanket unless I went to swim, go pee or get more beer. Life is nice when you are on an African beach. I think Noel and Sam enjoyed themselves today too. I slept for most of the afternoon. I was so tired out by yesterday, I needed by afternoon nap. I wonder what it is going to be like when I come back to the States because I’ll need my nap and there is no time for napping in America! Anne showed up today. She decided it would be nice to hang out with us. I have to say, I agree with her. J But all we really did was hang out on the beach. Sam at one point went off to the market and bargained some things for her ever growing collection of bits of Africa that she will bring back. The one drawback of Tofo though is that there is no ATM so you have to watch your cash. It is a cash community and a rather weird place too – but oh man is it beautiful.

Sam and Noel learned something today. I have to start this by saying that I only learned how to play this game when I came to Africa, when you have so much time on your hands, you learn new things! This game is hearts and if you have four people, it is a fun fun time. I’ve been playing marathon card games throughout my time here. I like to save our score sheets into my journals. Or I should say I always right in a journal, and usually have one with me when I am at the beach. This way we can look back at the game. Needless to say Anne beat us… hard. Since it was a cold May night and we were camping, we decided to stay up as long as we possibly could. Not a smart move – even with the prospect of a 6-10 hour bus ride in front of us the next day to get to Maputo. That didn’t daunt though and we had a good time for the rest of our time on the beach. We were even able to talk Anne into taking the tent back to Maxixe for us! Thank you Anne, let’s you relax in the morning. I love relaxing days at the beach, wish it just wasn’t so expensive. Time to sleep!

Day 8 Friday – Sexta-feira (16^th May)

Traveling in this country just sucks. There is no way around it, it just SUCKS!!! You either have to wake up at the crack of dawn, sit with a goat or a baby hanging off its mother breast, or both. It’s either unbearable hot or noisy – or both. It’s usually stinking of something, sometimes you and you can never get comfortable. But I live 456 kilometers upcountry and Peace Corps don’t fly us when we need to go anywhere so I’ve made this hellish trip dozens of times. I’m sure all of you remember how often I was sick the first year. Anyway, bright and early, (or should I say dark and early because the sun wasn’t up yet?) we set off to Maputo. Thankfully the bus driver didn’t start blasting the passada music at 4:30 in the morning. Just so you can get a picture, passada is like merengue but on a heavy dose of Quaaludes. Imagine that pulsating through every cell of your body and you’ll get a basic picture of what a trip to Maputo is really all about.

Against all odds though, we made it. The one nice thing about this bus is they bring you right from Fatima’s on Tofo to Fatima’s in Maputo. Good connections and you can miss the entire hell on earth experience of JUNTA bus station. So we get to Fatima’s and put our stuff in order, take some showers (we were a bit grimy and disorientated) basically we had to make ourselves feel human again. I think I took some wonderful pictures of how we all felt. Needless to say, the night will be an early one. First things first, Rhett is back in town and we met up with her at the Piri-Piri restaurant. It will give us time to go food shopping as well. The food prices, like I’m sure in the rest of the world too have just gone up and up and up. Since I’ve been here, the prices of most food things have doubled. When they redid the money in 2006 and chopped off 3 zeros, it was too “curb inflation…” Oh well. I’m having a pretty intellectual flow right now considering how tired I feel. Let’s continue with the day and leave the weird politics out of this.

As we are sitting at Piri-Piri, my little man (a street kid that I’ve been buying my change purses from for years) came up to me to sell some more stuff. I mean who could resist the sight of 4 whites sitting together having lunch, it’s the proverbial gold mine. And for him, he did make a killing. Almost 400 meticais worth or $16 or the amount I pay my housekeeper per month. I know, I’m a cheap bastard, but until Peace Corps raise my allowance, I can’t do anything on her pay. After lunch, we walk through some souvenir stalls to get back to Fatima’s and a nap. Basically, the entire pavement is covered in people trying to sell any old thing. This is where Noel bought the fabled $12 turtle. I understand his reasoning or just frustration with the afternoon, but I still was a little frustrated with him. Even for the seasoned bargainers, the stretch of Julius Nyerere Avenue and 24^th of July Avenue can be very hard to negotiate. Thankfully though, it only cost Noel $12 and me a headache and not his camera, wallet or passport. Surprisingly, up ‘til now, save that one robbery, we have not had any mishaps. I’m keeping my fingers crossed for the rest of the time though. The main mistake we made today was touching some of the good that were up for sale on the sidewalk. You never do that! I should know that. It’s almost as if in this country the rule is ‘you touch you buy’ not ‘you break, you buy’ – unless you are in a store of course. I will admit, when I did Christmas shopping on these streets last year, I was reduced to running away from the vendors, much to the amusement to the guy who was at the front desk of the hotel where we stay.

We all got back to Fatima’s though in one piece, except for the little piece of his soul I think Noel left in front of the Polana Hotel. They took showers and naps and I got a couple phone calls. We, as PCVs, gain this whole other level of popularity when we are in Maputo. It’s not because anyone really likes us, it’s just that they want us to bring stuff back for them from the big coconut of Maputo. J The city has a lot of coconuts, what can I say? Mag ended up calling today. The novelty of hearing Noel and Samantha in Africa must be cool. She loved talking to us. I’m going to be glad when I go back to an area where the phone system works very well and I don’t have to count beat 1…2…3… after the person talks before I can start talking. After Mag’s phone call, I went to sleep. Noel and Sam cooked some dinner in the communal kitchen and so nicely woke me up when time came to eat. I think Noel and Sam went out to the supermarket down the road because there was wine at dinner and Fatima’s doesn’t sell wine. I mentioned that Sam has a good way to wake people up and Noel just laughed. Have a look at the pictures I took around 5 in the afternoon and you guys can see just how tired we are. Tomorrow, off to Swaziland!

Day 9 Saturday - Sabado (17^th May)

Thankfully this morning we did not have to take off at 4 o’clock in the morning. Somehow I find this a bit unfair though. All of my friends in Swaziland live closer to the capital of my country than I do. It would be different if you could get good things outside of that city but you can’t. Not much anyway. We set off from Fatima’s at 7 in the morning. Still early in the morning, but here if I can sleep until 7 in the morning, I’m happy. I had arranged a taxi to take us to the chapa stop for Manzini (the biggest town in Swaziland.) The taxi driver was bang on time this morning. He’s the only Mozambican that I know that is on time to anything but church. We got down to the chapa stop in the Baixa and got herded around fast. Isaac (the taxi driver) was amazing. He just watched over us and held our bags until we got situated on the bus. The bus only had 2 spots left ‘til go time but someone (I’m surprised?) all 3 of us got on. Poor Noel was the 5^th person in a 4 person row so even though the trip was only 4 hours with an hour stop in the middle, I think he was a little uncomfortable. Even the developed countries, you still are in Africa. The plus side of getting the last few seats in a chapa, you get going almost right away. I think we waited 20 minutes this morning. Noel and Sam are good luck bringers because all the trips we’ve taken have not been nearly as bad as they can be. The trip began with a classic showing of my ‘snarkyness.’ We all got our 200 Meticais together to pay for the trip to Manzini and handed it over. Of course they tried 50 mets extra per person. No. Then they tried 50 mets extra in total. Still a resounding no! Then they had no change (100 mets was due) so I held on to their passenger list until the change came. This was mainly because I saw another passenger hand the ticket taker a 100 met bill maybe 5 minutes before. Ahh the lovely travels within Africa!

The ride to the border takes us through a beautiful part of the country. It’s western Maputo Province and generally a very pleasant place to travel through. It is also the beginning of the Lembobo Mountains which Swaziland nestles in so you climb pretty high in altitude. At the border, the trip was little long. It’s always pretty weird going over the border by public transport, you just walk and walk. Even at the smaller border crossings it feels like you are in a no-mans-land for a bit. Then the big sign in SiSwati welcomes you to Swaziland… I think, I can’t read SiSwati. At the Swazi side of the border things started making a little more sense and were a hell of a lot cleaner.

Let me just give you a quick idea of what Swaziland is about. It’s Africa’s Last absolute monarchy and is ruled by a man (who has at rough estimate 13 wives) and his mother. (Bates Motel?) The country is a product of the Swazi tribe thinking the British could save them from the subjugation of the Boers when the Afrikaners had there own countries in the late 1800’s. It worked because Swaziland never had apartheid, was relatively well off during the time of apartheid and has never seen war in the time it’s existed as a nation. Pretty cool for a country the size of MA, T and RI no? But, it’s got its own problems as well. The country has the highest AIDS rate in the world. It’s officially stated that 37% of the population has AIDS but that basically means that 1 in 2 Swazis have AIDS. Not just HIV AIDS! The King lives life pretty well though. No one knows how many houses, wives, jets, children, you name it he has. Officially, no one even really knows how he became King! The lines of succession rules are not publicly known. The only thing that is known is that the king must be the first born of his father and mother and have no other siblings. That way he becomes King and his mother becomes the great she elephant or the queen mother. (Any ladies out there that would feel honored to be called the great she elephant?) Noel and Samantha did some research about it before they came and they also found out it has the highest death by lightning strike incidences in the world. Not surprising with the ferocity of the storms and the altitude we are at. The currency is called Emalangeni and the royal valley (where the King officially says he lives) is called Ezulwini or valley of heaven so yes, we have stepped into a story book kingdom. I mean it is the very definition of Kingdom. There is a parliament (rubber-stamp) and a constitution (what the blot the rubber stamp on) but what the King says is law. Let me give you an example which makes me just love this country. A few years back, the international pressure was mounting on King Mswati III to do something about the AIDS rate in his country. This came around the time he was buying a personal jet for himself. He decided to impose a 5 year sex ban on the girls of the Kingdom. They all had to wear symbolic chastity belts for 4 years. Then the King decided to take himself another wife. But the wife couldn’t have sex with him and become pregnant because of his sex ban “on all the maidens of the land.” So the King withdrew the ban and took his wife. Nothing is quite like being an absolute monarch huh? I would just love to know what the conversation was like between him and his ‘most trusted advisor,’ his mother. I’ll leave that to my imagination and also I don’t want to get arrested by the Swazi Secret Service.

So we made it to Swaziland! I never thought I would consider a 3^rd world country like Swaziland a developed country, but it has SHOPPING MALLS!!!! The first one came into Maputo only since I’ve been here and it’s stocked by China so you can imagine the crap for sale. We got to Manzini pretty easily and I started trying to orientate myself in the city. This is a town about the size of Norwalk (my hometown) but infinitely more dangerous. It just makes me jumpy and we looked the part to get jumped. We then try and get some shoes for Noel and Samantha because they regretted giving their walking shoes away. We weren’t exactly going on a walking tour, but we’d be walking. Noel, true to his form took forever to decide on nothing. Samantha unfortunately couldn’t find her size. Size 7 is too small and 8 is too big kind of dilemma and apparently they don’t make half sizes in Swaziland. We tried one last store and Noel was still confused on the prices. 100 Emalangeni is equal to $14 USD. I kept repeating that mantra until I found a pair of crocs (I don’t care how ugly they look, they are damn comfy!) from E79 and bought them. The lady was a little pushy. I’m not used to friendly sales people anymore. After the shoes disaster, we went to the internet. Samantha had a credit card to pay and emails to get. Then off for some food shopping. Prices were wonderful for those who had $’s and I just cried when I realized how much cheaper life is in Swaziland knowing that PCVs in Swaziland make a 1/3 more money than we do in Mozambique!!!! Not fair. With all the bags in 6 hands and there were quite a few, we went off to battle our way through Manzini bus station for the Malkerns bus.

Found it! We had to pleasant surprises along the way too. We found it right away. The people were VERY friendly in the rank and brought us right to the Malkerns Kombi. They loaded our bags in the back and brought us to our seats. I’ve never gotten this kind of service in Mozambique! The money then asked me if I knew how much the kombi ride would cost. I said E8. He said no. I thought he was going to try to rip us off. Sorry it’s become second nature to think that people are ripping me off here. Then he said the ride would be E7! Naturally I could give him E8 if I really wanted to though. I almost did…almost.

Having been out to Sondzela Backpackers last year before I left for the States, I knew the way better than before. We got off out are “stesh” and walked through some of the prettiest – ok only – pineapple grove I’ve walked through in my life. Sondzela really makes you work to get to them. Oh man is it worth it though. Sam and Noel were pretty happy today just by walking to the park. Everything was working well and the comments flew about how they can’t imagine the summer here because the winter is still so hot. I laugh and just tell them to wait for the night time. There is a reason I packed wool socks into my backpack for this trip. We get into Sondzela and I just feel so relaxed. This place is amazing. I think it is an old manor house and it’s just wonderful with the pool, the rondevals, the animals walking around and a staff that makes Mr. Rogers look mean. I went and tried to check in, forgot that my friend Virginia has a Swazi name and had a laugh with the ladies. I was looking and looking for her name and tried Ginny, Gervin, everything! Finally it clicked as Manana and there was the reservation for three. I asked if we could chose between the upstairs and downstairs dorm, we could, so I ran out to the most beautiful traveler’s dormitory I’ve seen in my life. That’s were the picture of Sam and Noel smiling is taken and they are looking out onto the Rock of Execution and Sheba’s Breast. We just take our time going around the inner grounds and taking some of the most luxurious showers I’ve had in awhile. Water pressure is not something Mozambique does very well.

We decide to eat the E30 dinner that the ladies cook for us and they told us that there was some ‘traditional Swazi dancing’ being done at the main camp later that night. They would give us a ride if we wanted to go. We did, we went and the time was fun. Unfortunately, I couldn’t get any good pictures going. But I’ll never forget that night. Even though it was contrived for the tourists and pretty damn cold, it was enjoyable. Most of the boys only where loin cloths though and Swazi Dancers make French can-can girls look geriatric, so you can imagine the reaction from the tourists on the high kicks. Okay I started laughing too. Only when the dancers starting noticing the reactions from the crowd and then started milking it to no end did I start laughing though. It was wonderful fun. The giggling thankfully stopped the Amazonian Boer women next to Virginia and me from chatting through out the entire performance like the extremely culturally sensitive people they are. The night was very enjoyable though and did I mention cold? As we got back to the room, I gratefully put on my wool socks over the new imitation crocs I have and had a cup of tea before bed. Tiring day getting from Maputo to Malkerns with all the work in between in 7 hours! G’night.

Day 10 Sunday - Domingo (18^th May)

The trip is going by too fast. The day after tomorrow everyone has to go home! I almost forgot about the best part of yesterday. I met Virginia’s German boyfriend. Interesting… love you Virginia!

I woke up this morning to Noel out admiring the mountains. This was at the blissful hour of 8 AM! When it’s cold and you’ve got a nice duvet cover, you wouldn’t want to get up either. No one else was. Just cooked some breakfast and hung out by the back hammocks. It was too cold to move out of the sun for once. It’s actually pretty refreshing to move INTO the sun because in Mozambique, I tend to avoid the sun like the plague. The temperature difference between the shade and the sun is the difference between a sweatshirt and shivers and a t-shirt and sweating. This is all within 3 feet of each other. Noel and I were on the hammocks when the other slowly showed up. Around 10h30 or so we set off. We want to see some animals! We saw animals.

We walked for about 2 hours and saw lots of Zebra, gemsbok, beesbok, springbok, and somanybok that I can’t keep them straight. It was family day at the watering hole for the zebra and the warthogs (who run with their tails up so they can see each other in tall grass!) but they couldn’t see the crocodile lurking on the shore at the other side of the lake. Actually I’m sure they saw it over there they just weren’t going near it. Not all animals are as stupid as humans. We even saw some wildebeest and walked around until we found the main camp for lunch. Virginia and Sebastian met us there at the Hippo Haunt. But those big old tanks weren’t stupid enough to come out in the heat of the day. We could see them glistening in the sun but no luck about them coming nearer. This restaurant has an odd feeling for me. All the parks in this country are run by the same company and deal to good tourist base. Yet they only have a few things on their lunch menu and a set dinner menu. Who knows what the logic is? The special that afternoon was a wildebeest steak and impala sausage. Bush meat! YEAH! I ordered it because I wanted meat. Swaziland is known for the meat. Noel ordered it to be like me and Sam ordered it for kicks. It was tons of meat for E35 or $5.

After lunch, we walked the other direction from Sondzela to see what is probably the most famous-not famous sign in Swaziland. It has a bit of PC lore to it mainly because of the worn ungulate. I don’t know what it means. I don’t have Webster’s Dictionary over here. You see I had taken a picture of myself in front of it when I was here in December. I showed the pictures to people in the States and they all had them same question about the ungulates. Anyone have any idea? Noel wanted a picture by the sign as well. Not-so-real twins will be twins. J We took the picture. Virginia took the picture and just tried to get a mirror image thing going on. You’ll be able to see for yourself. Further on we got to the crocodile pond. It was wonderful. Just beautiful… everyone was snoozing. There was a white Swazi guy who stopped and told us some of the history of the park and said that the meat we ate this afternoon came from animals in the park. They do a controlled culling 2 or 3 times a year. Yummy. But, it was getting late and Sebastian had to get back to Mbabane so we turned around.

The best way back to camp was through this 1980’s school children info exhibition in the main camp. It seems like it hasn’t been touched since 1980 truly. One part of the exhibition is a worn down topographical map of the Swazi Nation, covered in cobwebs. The second part is antlers from the animals poached in the park, covered in cobwebs. The third part is the funniest part – the shit display and you guessed it, it was covered in cobwebs. It was literally a display of animal shit. I think the thought was to show you how to track animals based on their poop but in a non climate controlled display it’s stunk, very near fatally stunk. Someone else who has passed through thought to warn future knowledge gatherers by arranging the bones of a poor mouse who probably succumbed to the stench into an artistic skull and cross bone beware. Noel and I decided we would ‘leave our mark’ as well but didn’t want to deface anything. So we took some angelic photos positioning ourselves in front of the cleanest of the antlers next door. Sometimes I wonder if Noel and I are for real.

Tonight was a test of patience. We all got hit by the chega (enough/diarrhea depending on the country where you live.) Our wonderful bush meat might have been in the sun a bit long and appears to have gone off. Oh well at least its not cholera. Thank God it wasn’t cholera because we wanted to go to House on Fire today for the art show. Virginia goes back to the main camp to say goodbye to Sebastian who is getting a ride back to Mbabane and we agree to meet at Malandela’s in an hour. We get to the show and it’s closed but it being Swaziland and Swazis being so nice, we got to walk around some more. There were some network issues with the phone so Virginia couldn’t communicate with us. She ended up staying behind in Sondzela. Sam, Noel and I went for a Windhoek draught. Normally they sell this beer in cans and it’s a DAMN good beer, but I couldn’t find it anywhere. Now Malandela’s is the white hangout for Swazis. It’s a very chic bar, but I love it. Beers are huge and E14. The space is warm and inviting and Jimmy Carter used its bathroom. There is a plaque in the men’s toilet right by the urinal saying JIMMY CARTER, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA STOOD HERE. Swazis, being who they are, decided not to be too explicit with what he was doing there. My patience continued to get tested as we were waiting for a taxi. I had phoned ahead and this guy said he is coming. However, we were far (10 kilometers) from town so it would take 20 minutes. Time is a whole different concept in Swaziland – even for Africa. Turns out the poor taxi driver had understood our instructions backwards. He sent a taxi to Sondzela to bring us to Malandela’s. He then went down the dirt road to the gate, came back up the dirt road and then went to find us. All of this and he only charged us E40 for the trip. That got him a gallon of gas. The car doesn’t get much gas mileage so; he made nothing on that trip. I tipped him E10 and went in.

The patience was tested further this evening by the television. I have grown to love TV in a different way then before. It helps me forget and I don’t really feel guilty about watching TV on a nice day anymore because everyday is a nice day. J Usually. But all I wanted to do tonight was watch M-net. I don’t get TV in English very often so when I do it’s cool. The staff wanted to watch something and there is only a single TV. I took the, I’m a paying guest and they took the, I live here stances and a cold war ensued. This cold war involved Swazi gospel music which is never pretty! But I won and went to bed after my program was over and I enjoyed the nearly full moon a little bit. We all have to get up in the morning for the shuttle to Mahlanya Fruit Market to get to Ezulwini Gables because Sam and Noel are out of cash. Oh yeah, they want to go horse back riding tomorrow. I hope they have “king head” size helmets!!!!!

Day 11 Monday - Segunda-feira (19^th May)

Up and at ‘em nice and early so Virginia can get into Mbabane, do some stuff at the Peace Corps Office and get back to Magubaleni before dark. It’s amazing she can do all that to me. I’m just used to such bigger distances in Mozambique and thus have not traveled within my own country very much. Maybe next year. Noel, Sam and I went to the Gables Strip Mall today. It is a bit surreal because all of the shops look like they could be in San Diego or something but are surrounded by BEAUTIFUL green mountains. I mainly wanted to go to the Pick ‘n’ Pay supermarket. I like supermarkets a lot nowadays. I just like walking around them. I don’t even really have to by anything. I think it’s a coping mechanism because otherwise I would be frightened by them – too much choice scares me beyond belief. I know I mustn’t be a full blooded American. We did go into PnP though because we needed to find something to make Samantha feel better. The meat was still bothering her.

Right next to the Gables, there is a garage-esque craft market that I brought them to as the absolute LAST opportunity in Africa to go craft shopping save for the airport in Joburg, but I wouldn’t be there with them. Little did I know what was going to happen at this market? I think in total over E1500 were spent. But oh man was it worth it. Noel and Sam did most of the shopping but I got two things. I got an African mask because it looked cool and it was only E10. The other thing I got was a pillow case that had a baobab tree on it. It was batik, blue and matched the one that Noel had just bought. Earlier on we saw twin statues and Noel bought them. He gave me one. The pillow case was E95, so not that bad and when I move to Philly (a thought floating around) it’ll be a perfect set of throw pillows on that futon. I will admit Noel and Sam tired me out. They were out shopping for about 2 hours. I gave up and sat down on the ground. The ladies in the market would have nothing of it and handed me a stool. This stool soon becomes the running joke. I bring it around to each of the stalls and sit on it in front of where Noel and Sam are much to the enjoyment of each of the stall owners. Pretty soon they all congregate around me and we start chatting. Noel got some great pictures I think but I’ve not seen them yet. It was just a comfy, fun chat and I think those ladies were genuinely sad to see me go. However, we had a date with some horses to keep.

The kombi only dropped us off far from Sondzela though. It didn’t matter. I’d do anything to walk down the pineapple grove. Noel and I decided to take a picture of the ‘twins’ with there twin things. It didn’t work as well as I wanted it to but who cares. We pre-packed our bags not wanting to have to deal with it in the morning and set out about 30 minutes early to the main camp to ride horses. We get to see a lot of animals along the way thankfully. It’s almost as if the animals we missed decide to come out to give one last finale performance for the visiting Americans. For some reason though, all of the pictures I have of Zebras are from behind. I don’t know why. As we go to find the horses, we hear there is a hippo feeding, no naturally we ran like idiots to a two ton tank that could easily kill us. As I went over, I saw something small on the other side of the huge hippo. I said ‘look Noel, babies!’ The ever courteous Afrikaner couple next to me said they were warthogs; the baby is bigger and behind the mother. I love Afrikaners… The mother was HUGE!!! Out of water they look so clumsy and stupid but this animals has flat round teeth the size of my head, which could easily crush my head! The horse groom got a little impatient with us because we were taking too many pictures and taking too long with the hippo. It’s strange though that a two foot wall can protect us against a hippo attack. One of the park workers said that as long as we were on this side of the scrawniest little wall I’ve ever seen. I did get a good picture right before we went horse back riding.

Oh no! They do require helmets. That’s a good thing and I didn’t think it wouldn’t be required, but finding a helmet is always difficult for us circumference enhanced Hefele headed people. I think I’ve only gotten one helmet to fit my head properly through my entire life. Thank God I never wanted to play football or baseball. We had some fun with the horses. I wasn’t very good at it but it was still fun. The galloping section definitely hurt a bit. Hopefully I won’t be sore for the ride back to Mozambique tomorrow. The trip would feel a little longer than the four hours it actually is. It was great riding around in the veld, off the paths and right up next to the animals. The wildebeest look so scrawny up close. They are some weirdly built animals! I think my horse had a complex, or hated me or both because she just wouldn’t listen at all. The leader had said we shouldn’t let them graze. They’ll eat when they get back to the stables. My little princess (well big) had other plans in mine. The minute we stopped, even for a second, her head would go down and she would take big mouthfuls of the grass around. I could feel the muscles in her neck pulsing and moving and just hoped that she stayed happy. I did find though that she listened to me a little more after she got a bite to eat. The poor dear was just a bit hungry!

The sun setting over the mountains was beautiful today. That’s something I’m always grateful for in Africa, the sunrises and sunsets are always always always magnificent. First year I used to see the sunrise and the sunset almost daily, now I’ve got some sense and only see the sunset. I’ve never been a morning person. It is winter, so the weather has been colder than usual. It’s always colder in Swaziland though because we are so far up. The funny thing though is that as we were walking back to the Hippo Haunt restaurant, warthogs were moving in close to a campfire that had been going throughout the afternoon. Even the little buddies were suffering from the chill. Now we went back to the restaurant. It was meant to be a little toast to the end of a wonderful trip because tomorrow would be to hectic paying and getting everything in order so I can get back to Maputo and Noel and Sam can get to Johannesburg. So we got 3 castles and listened to castles in the sky by Freshly Ground, sat by the sign that said, caution crocs jump up to 2 meters high, please don’t go near the fence and enjoyed a trip well traveled. I wonder if they had any problems with croc attacks recently because I don’t remember this sign from my visit last year.

This evening was passed in the exact manner I love to pass evening in Africa. We got some castles lagers and sat and chatted. Normally I like it to be a bit warmer though. Noel and I talked about lots of things until this weird German guy came and sat down. L I don’t like being interrupted by strange people at backpackers. Maybe I’ll tell the conversation when I’m a little older. Poor Sam passed out in the room really early. Stomach issues again. Funny thing happened though. Noel and I had made some dinner and Noel went to go wake Sam up. She said what do you want Ian and rolled back over. Even people who are close to us get us confused. I wonder if she’ll remember that in the morning….

Day 12 Tuesday - Terça-feira (20^th May)

Wake up! The day I never wanted to come is here. The party’s over, it’s been fun, but now it’s back to reality. Whatever version of reality I live in. We had to get up this morning to get too Mahlanya again. The guys from the backpackers brought us because they had to go and meet the Baz Bus which would be going to Johannesburg as well. I hope I get to come back to Swaziland. I don’t know though. We’ll have to see what goes on when December roles along. Maybe I can by a Baz Bus ticket and travel around South Africa a little bit as well.

We got to Malandela’s and the Baz Bus offered Noel and Sam a seat but they would have to pay E250 each. The actual trip on public transport is only E160 so Sam was a little pissed. She did say though that she would have paid E200 just for the comfort and convenience of not having to find the public transport in Manzini. I didn’t know where it was before, but now I do. Manzini is like a big town and it’s laid out in a square so everything is relatively easy. To add another E90 on to the price of the ticket and not even be sure that this guy would drop them off at the airport we all trekked into Manzini and found the bus pretty easy. It’s amazing that if you really do ask questions for directions you find what you are looking for! Who’d a thought it?

Of course right away they take Noel and Sam’s passports to register them for the trip. A guy comes up to us and talks and he is the most interesting luggage man I’ve ever seen at an African bus station. First of all, he’s white. His name is Freddie and he’s not asking for money, just wants to know if you folks need any help here in Manzini. His coat is held together by clothespins and he’s looks like a coal miner from all the accumulated dirt. I’ve got no idea how old he is. It’s very hard to discern anybody’s age here in Africa. Most people think I am older than Noel! J But Freddie used to live with his parents out on a ‘bit of land.’ He then went off to boarding school in England like most other white Swazis. While he was away, someone broke into his parents homestead and killed them. He came back and has been out on the streets ever since. They never caught the guy, but one day, Freddie was reading the newspaper and he saw that the guy had been caught for another crime. Justice was served I guess.

Time was almost over and I still didn’t want to go. However, I needed to find my bus to Maputo. Noel and Sam went off to get some cokes with the last bits of Swazi Emalangeni, completely worthless outside the country and I left for the Maputo bus station. It’s so sad, they really have to go. I talked to the bus driver though and Freddie talked to the bus driver. I just hope their journey doesn’t take too long and they get to the airport ok. I hope my journey doesn’t take too long and I get to Maputo okay. But I get to the bus stop okay and get one seat. There are not so many people in the kombi back to Maputo so it will take some time I’m sure. Thank God I only waited 1 hour. I got back to Fatima’s around 14h00 and am relaxing there now. Some girls who came up just as the kombi was filling up and decided to take the next one only just got in at 18h00. I’m glad I left when I did. Their bus was the next one after mine! So that’s the trip folks. It was amazing and made my extension totally worth it. Why doesn’t anyone else come?

EXTRAS

I forgot two things and don’t know where I should add them in. As we were crossing into Swaziland, Noel had a run in with a surly border guard. You have to fill in this paper with your personal information to gain access to the country. The layout is a bit confusing, and Noel forgot to put the date and forgot to put his date of birth. I almost thought the woman was going to tell us to go back to Mozambique. She was a little crabby. Outside, the male border guards kept referencing Samantha’s tattoos. I don’t know exactly what they were saying, I don’t speak SiSwati, but I understood mulungos and tattoos. They said them in English.

After my trip, the guy at Fatima’s told me I should talk to the bus driver and see if he would let me back up to Inhambane on the special bus. I got it and we didn’t even go to Junta! YEAH!!!!!!!!!!

The End

O Fim

El Fin

Das Ende

Die Einde

Staggering Genius

So this past weekend to combat the recent spat of robberies, a friend of mine and I put broken bottles on top of my yard wall. It went pretty fast and I’m finally sleeping well at the house again. My friend had said though I should be careful when it rains hard, which it has, because the cement could get wet, which it hasn’t and the glass could be pulled out which it can’t as I saw this morning when I tried and sliced the top of my finger. Sorry this blog is so short, but it hurts to type…

What would you do?

Oh the lengths I will go to for a bit of entertainment. I found the entire first season of 90210 in my DVD collection. I had a whole bunch of DVDs left over from the previous volunteer. Now I never really looked into them because I really wasn’t interested in her movie tastes. It was a little bit different then mine. This week I’ve broken out 90210. I can’t believe that show started in 1990. I remember everyone being oh so into it and I never understood. Thank God I only have season one or else I might never actually get off the couch! I remember watching one episode many many years ago and thinking how amazing it was to be a high schooler. The people on the show seemed so cool to me but I could never get into it. Now I’m watching it and it is sooooooooooooooooooo awful. The schmaltz of it all is almost unbearable. I guess I don’t know Beverly Hills in California, but these parents (who are supposed to be mid-western) never seem to get mad at anything their children do. I don’t get it. The acting is ridiculous and the writing is so basic. I don’t understand what made it so popular but then again it was on for 10 years. I remember when it went off the air. People were actually upset! Yet, somehow like a bad car wreck, I can’t look away. I’ve got to watch all the episodes even if one disc is missing.

It’s in the way you say it.

I’ve been living here for 3 years and seem to be understanding Mozambique less and less. My Portuguese seems to be getting worse and I just seem to be in a constant state of anger. I even wrote this article for the newsletter here about how Africa has brought out the angry side of me.

I want to get one thing straight. I do speak Portuguese and if I were in a country like Brazil or Portugal, I would be understood. I don’t speak Mozambican Portuguese though so I’m screwed. Referring back to the title of this piece, it is really about the way you say it. I was at a little café the other say and saw two white people who needed some language help ordering at the café. They just wanted a tea and a coffee with milk on the side so they can put it in themselves. Fresh milk on the side to put in by you doesn’t seem to hard right? Well, they only got their order oh about 30 minutes later. This was after the waiter came back 3 times because he was confused. I explained, my friend Shaun explained and finally we said bring a coffee and a tea and a glass of milk. That worked. WHY????

Something else just happened to me. The office cleaning lady just came into my office and started saying something. Her Portuguese is mumbled and garbled at best and I usually don’t have much to say to her because she hasn’t studied. She used to come up to me with questions to help her with her homework for English class. (Make sure you read there that she used to ASK ME to DO her homework for her.) The only word I here from her is that the floor is covered in xixi (pee) and I’m supposed to come look. Oh well. I mean this bathroom is disgusting normally and now the running water doesn’t work in it. They run a hose in from the outside tap and fill up the bath tub. You’re supposed to pour water into the cistern and then flush the toilet. This is what I did. She said I peed on the floor and tore into me for a good few minutes. I tried to explain myself but she wouldn’t listen. She just thought it was me peeing on the floor. I probably dripped some water in from the bucket on the floor which is already yellow. I hate people that don’t listen!!!!! I’m trying to rid myself of that horrible trait as well. Please anyone that sees me not listening, smack me HARD!!!

The last thing along these lines that gets me is the lack of education. I know it is no fault of theirs. 2 and a half years ago I put up with the “are there blacks in America?” or “it’s not cold in your country?” all because everything was new and exciting. Now I just try not to hang out with people who I don’t like or don’t need to get to know. Yesterday I was at the market after church and went to by bread. The market lady said that bread was 10 meticais even though I knew it was 7 meticais. I know the difference of 3 meticais shouldn’t be something to worry about (it’s 12 cents) but I’ve come to this lady so many times and she still tries dumb shit like that. I’ve just really had it with the fact that no one thinks it could be possible that white people don’t have money. After all, I only need enough to pay for the 12 hour bus ride it takes to get to America!

Lessons of a Money Launderer

Let’s just say I was laundering money. Let’s just say I was the head of a well respected NGO for the province and still wasn’t satisfied with my salary. Let’s just say I was plan stupid but hey, everybody does it so I could never get caught. Let’s just say that was all what I was doing right now. (Please remember this is all hypothetical!) I may never get caught, this IS Mozambique, but I’m wondering, wouldn’t I be smart enough to keep the places operating costs functioning? Wouldn’t that provide some cover for me? Last week I was given a stack of papers to send off to various other offices via email and fax. I get this lovely job because I’m the only one that really knows how to use the internet. Apparently I’m the only one that realizes you have to pay for it too! But I noticed I had only 3 lights working on the modem. Damn. This is Mozambique and sometimes the internet just doesn’t work. So I gave it the rest of the day… and the next day too. Still no internet L. The phone line at least said that it was “fora do service” out of service so we could at least tell that that had been cut because it was not paid for. No phone line working equals no fax machine working, that’s easy math to do even for my mathematically challenged self. But everything was working fine with the internet until the disconnected phone line started ringing. It was the broadband company saying that the internet bill has not been paid so the internet was cut off. Man, how can people rob so much money that services they need to run their business don’t work? Why are people so stupid?

It's Beginning to Look a lot like winter...

It's not quite snowing but you know its winter. Last night I was watching some Arrested Development on my couch and I hear my dog make some noise to get some attention. This dog is definitely very expressive. Yesterday she was outside and made some noise. I go to the door and she is sitting there in all her "take pity on me for I am just a poor animal" glory. She was so damn cute I had to let her in the house. I went back down to the couch and she just jumped up and made herself comfy. She licked my chin and kept me warm for the rest of the evening. Then I knew why I went to go get her from Homoine.

OBAMA

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!!



If a democrat is in charge I'll move back home!

You never know in Africa!

So I've been in Africa for some time now. I don't see animals on a regular basis. Most of the animals were killed or fled during the war. I DO see amazing birds everyday and they seem to know that they are amazing! They do wonderful dives through the air just to make sure you see them in all their glory. I thank them for that. Now I've had encounters with a couple animals throughout my 3 years here in the wild. Baboons - I go running the other way. Hyena - i didn't even leave my house to see if this one was true! And here is the story about what happened last night.

Last night was the first time I had really questioned my reasoning for bringing my dog back to live with me in Maxixe. She started barking at about 1 AM. I noticed the barking right away but also heard it to be more of a what the hell are you doing here in my territory kind of bark. Not Ian watch out there's an intruder!!! I thought it was a cat and I was right it was a cat but not the cat i thought it would be.


Here's a picture It's called a large spotted genet. I didn't even know it existed!!!

Day 3

Day 3 Sunday – Domingo (11^th May)

Today was a weird day. I was so tempted just to stick around and catch the blue panther bus north, but I didn’t think I could afford the one extra day. Last night I got a taxi to come by this morning and he was bang on time. That’s what I love about Isaac. It was worth the money because we all had some bags. Isaac was wonderful though and made sure to find the bus that would take us to Maxixe and leaving soon. We were the lasts ones on the bus and maybe waited about 20 minutes in Junta for it to leave. That’s record time! But the trip still took 7 hours to go 450 kilometers or 280 miles. Oh I’m going to love coming back to the West when you can go 700 kilometers (437 miles) in about 7 hours. That’s for next year. Sam and I were next to each other on the bus and Noel was a row or two behind us. We all had jump seats though (read not comfortable.) We were on the road at 5:30 in the morning though and got into Maxixe around noon ish. Alex from Chicuque had been there and she greeted us getting off the bus. Off we went on a trek through the sand to my house. We paused half way through because walking in ankle deep sand when you are not at the beach is not easy. Pictures abounded and then we made it home. Scott was sitting on my front wall. He had texted asking about his debit card, but I didn’t expect him to come to my house so quickly. The boy was desperate for cash though as most of us are when the 3^rd month of our pay period comes along. We hung out at the house for a little bit and I taught them the way to use a latrine and how I take a bucket bath. It’s funny how much you forget you had to learn coming here as well. After a chat, some baths and a lock down on the house, we were off to campismo of Maxixe. The camp grounds run by the city are like my second home. Everyone that works there is a wonderful person, the owners are some of the nicest people in the world and it’s just a wonderful atmosphere there when you need to go and relax and or possibly vent out some of the troubles of the day. I finally got to show my friends from here some of my family from home. It was a weird meeting of two worlds but something I really enjoyed doing. I think all my friends enjoyed meeting my family and Noel and Sam enjoyed meeting my friends. On the way home, we went to drop my friend Anne off because of a little incident on her road last week and passed by the Homoine sign. Noel recognized the name and once I get some pictures up on the internet, you’ll be able to see a little fun time we had trying to get a picture of me and of Homoine.

Oh yeah, today was Mother’s day, not something I’ve made a habit of remembering over the years. Jess did though. She sent a text saying, ‘aren’t you supposed to wish me something?’ I may not remember the day but I can take a hit. Luckily, last week I had bought 600 Meticais worth of telephone credit and that allows you to set 3 friends numbers in the States or abroad to a 25% discount. Jess was one of those friends I set. So we all called and yelled HAPPY MOTHERS DAY and said hi very quickly. Then all of us were so tired and wanted to sleep so we went to bed with a little help of melatonin.