A job interview is not always a job interview

I’m watching the funniest thing right now. My work is running a job search. It’s a good thing that they are hiring. It’ll assuage my fears that they are going out of business. But this is one of the funniest job interviews I’ve ever witnessed in my life! The first candidate has been here for 15 minutes already and they are only getting to his work related attributes now. The first questions were from the accountant here at ADECI and it was almost like a proof of identity quiz. The accountant was holding the applicants CV and asking him questions like “what’s your full name?” “Luis Ernesto Diego da Conceição” “What are the names of your family?”, was question two, I want to know what that has to do with anything. Maybe it’s some sort of background check. The questions are continuing. “You drink beer since how long?” “I don’t drink.” “Why not, we all like to drink here?” “Why did you give it up” “What church are you?” “When did you start praying there?” “When did you stop smoking?” “So you don’t smoke, you don’t drink, are you sure you are a man?” “Do you have the sickness of following skirts?” “You don’t?!?!?! You must be dead!” Seriously man, these are some of the questions that are coming up. I can’t wait until the next candidate comes in. I’m wondering though if all these random questions are some sort of background check. I mean, everyone knows everyone here and they don’t want any old random person working for us. I think they want to make sure a fellow from the ‘wrong side of the tracks’ would apply. Oh my, now they are pounding into this guy. They told him even before he left that he didn’t get the job. I think they are telling him that just to see his reaction. 
The second guy is older and it’s hysterical. The first question out was if he knew where he was applying to. He didn’t know the name of the institution. Both guys were asked how much they wanted to receive per month. They are both applying for a guard job. Minimum wage is 1,678 MT a month or about $67. But it might be more money since I work for a bigger company I mean hell, I make 5,050 MT a month. That’s Peace Corps paying me though and not ADECI. Holy God, they were just talking about the war time. Apparently this guy was in the armed forces and fought against the rebels in Sofala and Manica provinces. The accountant is from up there and lost some family during the war… so he accused the applicant of killing his family! He said all this without a hint of irony. I don’t get the humor. There is a fear that they feel needs to be instilled in their subordinents that I don’t get. They almost had the poor guy in tears here saying he was in FRELIMO and not with the rebels.
Another interesting question is whether these guys know the difference between a state run business and a private business. I don’t know the importance of this question, but I can guess. Most things are part state owned here. Most companies have a shareholder system (score one for capitalism) but the biggest shareholder is someone who is with FRELIMO or FRELIMO itself (score one for communism.) The president of the company that I work for right now is Graça Machel who is currently the wife of Nelson Mandela, but was the Minister of Education here in Mozambique for YEARS and a champion of FRELIMO. This second guy just admitted he is HIV positive! He responded that he’s stopped smoking and drinking since he did the “teste da minha saúde.” The third guy is acting like an idiot. He is taking the thing to count to 3 before you answer to the nth degree. He hasn’t said anything for a what seems like a couple minutes. He’s not going to get the job and my colleagues are making fun of this lisp he has. However, he is acting like a student in my classes in Homoine. Instead of saying he doesn’t know the answer, he’ll stay silent. WHY?

Just thought you guys would enjoy hearing about run of the mill things. There were 3 applicants, lets see who gets it. I’ll keep you updated!

Oh it's good to be smart

Many people know that I'm trying to apply to school to start in the fall of 2009. Well, part of the application is for me to make a recording of where I am in the various languages I speak. They introduced me to this program called audacity. Well, part of this conference I've been at since the 21st of July is a Gospel Choir. But not in the African sense of the term - more in the middle aged white woman warbling away in church to something that was written in 0001. Yet somehow a group of Mozambicans can even make that sound amazing and amazingly spiritual.

So I schlepped my trusty computer to the coast to try and get some of these songs recorded. IT WORKED!!!! Considering I was recording in an old dank church built in 1890, I thought it came out ok. Everyone in the group says it has too much echo. I tell them it doesn't have too much echo because if I (the mulungo) can understand the Portuguese and the Xitswa being sung THERE IS NOT TOO MUCH ECHO. :) That and I didn't want to burn another 16 CDS. It's a rather boring task to do. But I got there and recorded some vocal exercises and 6 songs that they were singing. My favorite song has to be Hi ta Famba. We are marching in the light of God. I'll see if I can get it up onto here one day. Noel, Liz? Any suggestions? You two are good at this stuff.

The next morning, I spent all morning drinking chai and editing the audio much to the amusement of my maid. I don't think she's ever seen a computer before. So the fact that I could record my voice into the computer and play it back to her was just astounding. I really enjoyed it and hope I can edit my voice in German, Spanish and Portuguese so I sound like a native speaker!

New Theme Song

Anyone who has paid attention to this blog in the last 6 months will know that I've just been having a hard time dealing with the constant "being treated as a freak" way of life I live still. Well my dad was able to give me a new "I don't Care" song to help me keep my sanity while I let my freak flag fly throughout the rest of my time here.

So my dad just sent me a package which had a CD in it from someone I’ve long since forgotten about. It’s called Broadway My Way by Linda Eder. I saw her on Broadway a LONG time ago in Jekyll & Hyde and then actually met her at Sam’s Restaurant right around the corner. It was really cool but apparently not cool enough for me not to bury it in the back of my brain. J But, she sings really well. She takes the old Broadway classics and through a new spin on it. The first track is her rendition of a classic from the French Bird Cage. I am What I am. It's kind of making me happy to write this because I'm getting a wonderful mental picture of myself skipping around my palm tree lined neighborhood singing this and having a bright orange (don't know why) flag while Mozambicans who are watching just spontaneously combust because they can't process what they are seeing. What ever makes me happy right? Anyone care to artistically render that image for me??

:)

Back from the dead

Sorry for the lagging in blogs. I've recently found out a lot more people are reading this than I thought were. I basically thought it was a convenient way to communicate with my family back home. I just wanted to say I am back and better than ever now. I was away translating for Christ at a Methodist Church retreat for ten days. It's really nice to not be there anymore. But I gotta think of things to say to you all about that now.

More soon

I didn't even know

Coming to Africa, I've finally started gaining some pride in America. Seeing so many injustices happen to obtain a "democracy" that can only be labeled as farcical has made me start to appreciate what I've had at my disposal in America. I've defended American ness to South Africans, explained American ness to Mozambicans and pleaded American ness to visiting Europeans. Most of it is done with my tongue firmly in my cheek.

However, I stumbled across some news today that has made me very upset. The USA had a travel ban for HIV positive foreigners in the country. That means anyone with HIV who wasn't a citizen couldn't enter or leave the US without a waiver from the government. The other countries in the world that have a ban are Armenia, Saudi Arabia, Russia, Lybia, Brunei, China, South Korea and Iraq. This is crazy. I think it's even crazier that I didn't know about this. But the good news is that as of July 16th 2008, the ban is no more. China repealed it earlier this year as well.

Maybe things really can change?

Freak Flag

So thanks to my brother and his wonderful computer, I've been watching WEEDS on these cold winter nights. The episode I watched yesterday was precious. There was this scene between the main kid Shane and his mother's friend Celia. Shane said he didn't like being a freak and hates to think about what other people think. Celia's parental advice was basically " fuck em, let your freak flag fly." I had heard this from someone who has been to visit from the States but you all know, I'm a little out of the loop. But how right was this character Celia. I'm going to let my freak flag fly because honestly I've tried to "find myself" so heard I've created a collage of facets of me that will most likely be a freak anywhere.

So here's to letting your freak flag fly!

Queues

This is something that's been bugging me recently. MOZAMBICANS CAN'T EFFIN QUEUE. Even at the hospital the other day, the queue wasn't so much a line as an amalgamation of people that never spoke to each other yet somehow knew what was going on and who came before whom. I haven't really paid attention to the line lethargy though because it's a losing battle. That is until recently. It's still a horribly losing battle, but I just can't take the GIMME GIMME GIMME atmosphere that this country seems to operate on. I understand it though. Nobody had anything for such a long time and now that materials have come they've got the gimmes. But I went to go get bread the other day. I was waiting in my spot at the counter and literally got pushed out of the way by this woman who wanted two breads. Later on as I was in this store we all call COSTCO buying some things, another woman came running in yelling HOW MUCH IS A CARTON OF SODA! The guy at the counter ignored her, rightly so. But then she reached over me and slapped down the money pushing me out of the way.

Having lived in the UK for two years, this is hard to stomach. I joked to my friend the other day about how wonderful it would have been if the British colonized Mozambique, there'd be lines. He got the joke and said that its not what the British could have taught the Mozambicans its what the Portuguese didn't teach.... thoughts

On the lighter side,

My maid thinks I wear woman's clothes. She thinks I'm a drag queen. :) In her sense of the term, I guess I am. I wear undershirts - wife beater, a shirt, vest, tank top, singlet whatever you want to call it style. Those are apparently viewed as a woman's shirt here. I have this one I think I got as a set in the Chinese Wal Mart they have in Maputo, so I'll leave what it looks like to the imagination. But, while Noel was here, he left this really cool button down short sleeve number. It has a little fancy embroidery on it but would totally be classified as metro in America and Europe... this whole concept hasn't reached Mozambique yet. I told Raquia that it was part of a style that hasn't made it into Maxixe. She bought it, I saved face and we are all happy!

15 minutes is sometimes a good thing

Yes, American Idol (or whatever version of Idol you subscribe to) has made it to Mozambique. Actually, it's been here for as long as I have but tends to be crap - as most of them are. You can look at stuff from last years show here at the FAMA SHOW. Lets just say thank god it's over for the year. But, there is this newer show called SHOW DE TALENTOS that's being run by the other cell phone company here Vodacom. I kind of like this show better because its not just singing off key contestants. There are also capoeira shows, major amounts of dancing and a first for Mozambique...two guys in drag. It's really worth the look. They are going to win this competition and are taking Mozambique by storm. They're all over the TV. Have shows in Maputo. These guys are big. They've come out as a couple as well and Vodacom is actually saying that they are ok. The thought and sight of two Mozambicans dressed in drag running around the stage lip synching to Like a Virgin and I will survive just makes me laugh. But they are GOOD!!! So what I'm trying to say is that Labiba and Lasanta's 15 minutes of fame may go down in History in Mozambique. Here's to them for opening this country up!

Its a little hard!

People are rough to each other. Mozambicans are some of the most friendly people I've ever come into contact with. But between themselves, they are brutal and won't trust you as far as they can through you. I guess this comes from the BRUTAL civil war that raged here for so long. But this morning was a test of my nerves. My housekeeper has been telling me about her sick brother. He was down in Maputo and she brought him back up here. She and I were talking about what was going on with him. Weight loss, loss of appetite, tiredness. They had gotten the malaria test. Negative. But the brother just kept getting worse. I mentioned an HIV test just to be sure. It's better to know than not! So I agreed to go with my housekeeper and her brother. With a white man in the hospital queue, you will not have to wait there all day. I agreed to have an AIDS test too. I'm at no risk so I figured why not.

As soon as I saw the brother I knew it was AIDS. He was skeletal. But we went. Of course it came back positive. I never thought I would have to experience, but it happens to a lot of us PCVs. It's not that experience that I hated, its the reaction when I got into work. But I quickly started talking to my housekeeper about how HIV is not a death sentence like it used to be. You can live 10-15 years with it if you REALLY take care of yourself. The brother is immediately offered counseling and they have taken him off to the provincial capital to get a CD4 count done. I went to work in a daze this morning. Mainly because I've seen this woman every day for the past 7 months and she was clearly upset and crying today. Luckily, she and I both turned out to be negative.

So I get into work and start asking around for material about living with HIV in Portuguese. All that I had at home in Portuguese was a nutritional book. I gave it to my housekeeper. But one of the guys here at work said to me after I mentioned that I had a horrible morning. "Oh that's nothing, you deal with it." He's insensitive, most likely has the virus himself but is some how right. Someone else here even laughed at my frantic reactions. That pissed me off, but I understood it too. Sympathy is not something shown very often here. That makes sense too when you look at life through an African perspective (something I'm not very good at.) Everyone suffered during the war, everyone suffers now. We all get through. The strength these people have is inspirational... but I guess when you don't really have a choice....

Obrigado por Noel

So the mail system is working again. I've finally figured out how to make sure to get things through. First of all, make it look like a bomb. (Sorry Noel that was close to PEACE CORPS GHETTO what you did with the envelope) Second scribble religious messages all over the package. Third, tape it up like you were chucking it in the ocean for it to get to me. Fourth, put a REALLY awesome DVD in that will keep me up until 1:30 and make me look like a vampire when I come to work the next day. Weeds rocks! Thank you and good night...

oh yeah

I like LOST and ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT as well.

PSA

So in my true peace loving form I've never heard of this school. But now a couple of people have expressed surprise that I am applying there. So I did some research on it and here is what I found.

There are two big graduate schools in Monterey California. One is the Naval Postgraduate School founded in 1907 where I am NOT going or even applying to and the other is the Monterey Institute of International Studies founded in 1955 which I AM applying to and hopefully going to. So I'm not going to become a James Bond (Noel) or c3po (Marc) just a lowly translator. You should definitely check out this radio show that Jess gave me. It's the 4th of July broadcast of THIS AMERICAN LIFE and it's called By Proxy.

Tell me what you think, here's the link

http://www.thisamericanlife.org/Radio_Archive.aspx

OK I take it all back

Okay I take it all back. I just got word that my theatre proposal has been approved. They are writing the paperwork out that I have to send back in and then they will deposit the money within a week!!!! Last year they gave me 3,000 bucks this years its nearly doubled! What a difference a few thousand dollars make in the mood of a lowly PCV.

ARRRRRGH

I warn you in advance, this is a bitchy post. Or should I say snarky?

Peace Corps kind of subliminally pushes us to do secondary projects. It's kind of a running joke while here. I'm sure anyone who has talked to me over the course of the last year knows what kind of fiasco the actual receiving the funds process turned into. Well, I thought maybe it was just a bad timing but nope. It seems to be repeating itself this year. I just got a call from Peace Corps telling me that I have to redo certain parts of the application because I'm too "negative." Well who the hell do they think made me negative?!!?!?!?!?!?! This is Peace Corps as well so I thought better of them. This is after I've been in contact with the review board about what else should I do to better the proposal. They said nothing. I faxed in the required signatures. 3 weeks later I hear they've gone missing. I faxed them back in. ARGH!!!! I'm just angry about it. But honestly, what's the point. I've since emailed my contact at the embassy to make sure that this doesn't happen with them.

Wish me luck!

SNARKY

Am I snarky? I never even would have thought this was a real word Samantha but apparently it is. According to dictionary.com snarky means testy or irritable or ireverent or short. Its classified as mainly British Slang. But it's even in Webster's Dictionary and wikitionary. Any of you heard of this word before? Click on the word above. Its a Russian Rebel News Group. A Russian Rebel News Group using British slang as their domain name. Now that's snarky, don't ya think?

Ah the wonders of Afrikaaners

The White Tribe of Africa. The Boers. The Europeans. The White Africans or just racists dumbasses. Whatever you want to call them, sometimes what they say (most of the time) is just astounding in there stupidity and down right mean! I was sitting in a restaurant here in town the other afternoon and got accosted by a Boer. He heard me speaking English on the telephone and came over for a chat even though he wasn't invited. If you don't speak die taal, you don't deserve any respect. Anyway, he sat down, I was a little high on life (hey it was Friday) so I chatted. He immediately started telling me how much he likes Americans. This was after he found out I am American and he said he just hoped we would f*** up our country by elected a black man like they did in South Africa. I just told him that a White Anglo-Saxon Protestant, or basically what he ishas already done a good job. On that note I left. Pretty good diplomacy huh?

HAPPY 4th!

HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY!!!!


While all of my American friends are having fun on the beach, I'm headed to the beach!

Happy 4th

Will we ever need to leave home?

Google. Pretty soon the world is going to be pre Google age and Google age dated. Forget about BC and AD or BCE and CE. It's going to be PGA and GA. But really... I discovered something online today that was just AMAZING! It's Google's scanned in book partnership program. I vaguely remember hearing something about this, but let's just say I've been out of the loop for awhile. Anyway, I had gotten a request to do some translation between English Portuguese and Makhuwa. I don't speak Makhuwa but it is similar to Xitswa which I do speak a little of. Both of them were Bantu Languages so somewhat related. I went online to try and find the phrases and words I was looking for with a colleague from that area of Mozambique. Anyway, I found this digital library from Google. We were able to locate a scanned copy of this book from the early 1900's that is thought of as the leading example of Portuguese, English and Makhuwa translation. Funnily enough, it's written by a German for the Imperial Overseas Bantu Department. Ahhhh colonialism. Anyway, it was a big help to finish my work which lead me to completion of my first "professional" translation job. I remember the first time I got paid to act. $50 then and I thought it was amazing. With this work of, oh it maybe took me a half an hour, I made about 27,025,826.99 Zimbabwean dollars!

Death's a Bitch

She isn’t pretty, she’s comes too fast and here in this country she’s so damn unpredictable. There is this old guy that has been working in my place probably as long as it’s been running. I think he’s a founding member of the organization. Anyway before the move, he was fine. Now all of a sudden, he’s skinny skinny skinny, beady eyes, doesn’t eat or recognize anybody. This is all being told to me by a colleague. Now he’s on death’s door. Someone else that gave me a ride from Xai-Xai to Maxixe last year died. (AIDS) This man who’s been working with us… dare I say it? Almost made it 2 years and then 4 people close to me are close to dying in one year. Damn the fear of this disease.

Larium dream extraordinaire

Last night was definitely one of the weirdest dreams I have EVER had in this country. They thankfully had no physical repercussions the next day, but they still messed with my mind. One involved my dog and the other involved my friend Anne. Anne and I were in the Ian McEwan book called Atonement. It’s a pretty good book if you guys want to read it. But the premise of the movie was geared towards me, and it was Anne who ratted on me (the lowly servant boy) when he tried to make it with her older sister –resulting in my death. I was so confused though because Anne and I are good friends and I didn’t want her to be mad at me. But I called her in the morning and she was fine. 

The other dream is the dream that scared me a little bit. My dog has really grown attached to me recently. You all might remember when my other dog was killed. I was really upset. This dog now is wonderful. I think it’s been a long enough time from the other dog that I don’t compare the two anymore. Last night in my dream she was killed though. Mozambique is a very superstitious country, so my housekeeper (in my dream) told me the next morning when she came in that I had to petrify my dog to keep her with me. But, Kuri’s spirit would not go away until I buried her… in my living room floor. The thing that just got me, I was able to see her in such detail in my dream. She naturally didn’t fit in my floor. Things need to be confusing in Larium dreams! But I could really only fit her butt into the floor, so I cemented her in fearing that her spirit wouldn’t leave me alone if I didn’t. My conscious self doesn’t quite see the logic of having a petrified dog in your floor over the chance of having her spirit wandering around the yard where she could be keeping away the robbers.